Shawn, Italy & Vegas

Shawn was a friend of one of my close friends, let's call him Adam.  Adam and Shawn were deployed together, and Adam bought an old car with intentions of fixing it up when he came home.  Adam, Shawn, and let's call the other guy Dan, were working on the car.  Since I hung out with Adam a lot, it was easy for me to meet Shawn.

But we do need to rewind a little here.  I'm not totally sure how it all happened, but I had actually been talking to Shawn while they were deployed, via Facebook, and we met for the first time the night they got home.  I drove Adam's fiance to the base they were arriving at because family and friends had a short amount of time to visit with them before they went to demobilization, and they were arriving at 1am and she had to work the next day (I didn't).  So, I offered to make the three hour drive so she could sleep in the car.  I intended on waiting in the car, but his fiance told me to come with.  It was a freezing night in the Midwest, in January, and we had to wait outside.  As usual, I wasn't prepared for this.  I very rarely wear gloves (only when shoveling), and a hat?  No way, that doesn't look good with my hair.

Anyway, Adam and his fiance were getting coffee, and I was sitting at a table trying to take a quick nap, when there was a tap on my shoulder and I very angrily picked up my head, assuming it was Adam, and saw it was Shawn.  We had a quick conversation, he said it was nice of me to bring the fiance, and he went back to visiting with his family.  Before the soldiers left, I went outside to use the disgusting bathrooms they had set up (but still, very thankful they were there) and I heard someone yell my name.  I turned around, and it was Shawn.  We had another quick conversation, and discovered we'd probably see each other soon while he was working on the car.

Now we can fast forward.  Adam invited me out for drinks with Shawn and Dan, and I met the three guys at a bar.  We then had to go downtown to meet one of Dan's friends.  This bar was full of hipsters, annoying guys, and very strange girls.  Adam was talking with Dan and his friend, and Shawn and I drank our beers and talked in a less populated area of the bar.  We then left and went back to our area for a drink at a much better bar.  Shawn sat next to me and we laughed all night, it was weird connecting with someone like that so fast.  It felt like we were back in high school, he seemed like he was reaching for my hand, but I couldn't really tell so I didn't do anything about it.  We went back to Dan's apartment to watch a movie.  Dan went to bed, Adam left, Shawn was spending the night there (he lives an hour away) and asked if I wanted to stay and finish the movie.  We started making out, he said he'd be spending the night tomorrow night, and we made plans for an actual date.

The date went really well, we went to dinner and fooled around at the apartment, then made it official.  Shawn is now my boyfriend.  But wait!  Things don't happen that easily in my life!  I had been all set to leave for Italy (my fourth trip there) for two months.  One month to take a class and get certified to teach English, and one month to look for a job and somewhere to live.  I would then return home and start the process of moving across the Atlantic.  Shawn said he was fine with all that.  He knew about it from the beginning.  A week before I left, I was in the middle of packing and he called to say we needed to break up.  He couldn't handle being in a relationship with someone so far away, especially not knowing if I'll be coming back home for good or not.  I cried.  Yes, I broke Emma dating rule #1: Never, ever cry in front of someone that hurts your feelings.  Ever.

I was so mad at him for waiting so long to tell me this wasn't ok, and mad for him even getting into a relationship with me in the first place.  I was also mad at him for spewing out a garbage line while cuddling before falling asleep: "I don't know why, but it just feels so right with you."  I bought it.  I'll give you a moment to throw up.

Moment's over.

We ended up deciding that I'd call him during the trip and we'd talk it over then.  A few things happened to me on this trip, a week in I found out about a sick family member that would lead to my decision to come home early and not move to Italy.  Shawn didn't know about this and I never told him this was the biggest reason for my early return home.  I cut my trip short, from 8 weeks to 6 weeks, spent time traveling to Brussels and clearing my mind.  About two weeks into the trip, I called Shawn and announced my plans for coming home early.  This egotistical boy thought I was coming home early for himmadeout.  I went back to my apartment.  I never told Shawn.

Since Shawn didn't want to be with me when I got home, I figured us talking was just a friendly thing.  The night after I came home he invited me over.  I drove an hour to his house, put up all my walls, and he took them all down.  We were dating again.  Red flag: "I just don't want to be alone," came out of his mouth.  So is this about me, or you don't want to be single?  I said I wasn't going to be with him if that was the only reason for dating me, he assured me it wasn't.

A month into the relationship, he went to a strip club with some friends.  Ok, I don't care, have fun!  Less than a week later he was back there.  Ok, now I care.  I find it a bit trashy to go to strip clubs so often.  It's not like these were birthday or bachelor parties.  The first time I thought it was just a random guy's night out.  The second time, when I was upset, he informed me that a friend's family owns it and they drink for free.  They don't tip the girls!  Oh, that's so comforting.  Not.  This was a serious problem for us.  Another problem I had was how different he was around his friends.  Some of them seemed so immature.  But none of this made it important enough for me to dump him.  I had such strong feelings for the guy, and I really thought this was going to be a long term relationship.  I was falling hard for him, and the time we spent alone together was some of the best times I've ever had in my life, including all the traveling.  Was I in love?  No, but had the relationship lasted longer I probably could have been.  I've still never been in love.  Oh well.


We ended things, and I'm under the impression it was for two reasons.  He was facing a huge life change and I don't feel it's appropriate to write about, even though I've changed all the names.  The other issue was he had a problem with the hour drive between us.  I didn't ever think this was a problem.  In my mind, distance should never be an issue if two people care about each other as much as we seemed to.  I was heartbroken, and it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that he just didn't care about me enough to deal with the distance.  As bad as it feels to realize that, it's the truth.  If I was worth it to him, we would have gotten over the distance issue.

What did I do?  Two days after my brother got married I went to Vegas with a friend.  Sorry everyone, but what happens in Vegas actually stays in Vegas in my book. :)

Shawn had started working security at the strip club.  He then called me about 3 months after the breakup, when I had just started seeing someone new, and asked me if I would ever consider getting back together.  This blew my mind.  I had been waiting for this exact phone call, but when I came home from Vegas I gave up on it ever happening. 

"You broke my heart.  I can't trust that you won't do it again.  What about the distance?"
"It doesn't matter.  But I should tell you something."

He had sex with one of the strippers.  What am I supposed to say to that?  Am I supposed to be happy for you?  Should I be more attracted to you now?  I said I would consider getting back together if he got tested for any STDs, he refused and said it was stupid.  I said, "So, you might think it's stupid, but it means a lot to me.  You can't just do it and prove that you care about what I think.  I'm not even considering dating you without it."  Needless to say, we never dated again.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to.  Here I am, almost exactly a year later, and I still miss him.  I miss laughing with him, talking to him, and I really miss falling asleep together.  We've both dated other people since then, but for me it's never been the same.  I doubt he feels the same, and I won't ask him.  That'd only be annoying and I'd only be hurting myself when he says he's happy with the girl he's seeing now.  Oh well, on to bigger and better things!

PS: The girl he's seeing now won't let him hang out with me, but when I asked for a simple STD test he wouldn't humor me.  That must say something about how much he truly cared, right?

Alessandro: Part 3

Two hot Italian guys + two charming American girls = a lot of fun on a boat in the middle of the Tyrrhenian Sea.

This was probably one of the best days ever.  The guys took us out on the boat and it was another scorching, humid day.  Of course, my curly hair was starting to get a little puffy and resemble a fro, but I didn't care (OK, I probably did care a little).  We packed a ton of fruit for lunch and we were laying on the boat tanning (OK, I was probably burning) when suddenly I'm splashed with water!  After some playful arguing, I pushed Alessandro and he jumped overboard, while holding my arm so I would go overboard, too.

That night was the festival for the San Vito, the patron saint of Positano.  We watched the fireworks together, went dancing, and fell asleep on the beach together (not like bums or anything, I'll let you use your imagination).  Mel and I went back to visit Positano again on a weekend during our classes, but we decided to stop there, it wasn't like we were going to have a transatlantic relationship with these guys or anything.  Plus, Mel actually had a boyfriend back home.  I'm not one to judge, but I wouldn't have done that.

We talked to Alessandro and Enrico almost every day, and when we came back to the United States we kept in touch via e-mail.  That was definitely one of my favorite summers, and just thinking about it is making me miss Italy like crazy, so I think I need to end this blog here.  If I don't, I'll be in a shitty mood all day because I can't decide whether I should move to Italy or not!  OK, enough Italy talk for now!

Alessandro: Part 2

We walked up to the house and met Enrico’s roommates.  There were a handful of other people there, but with the events that happened later, I didn’t remember their names.  Enrico, Mel, some guy named Marco and I went out onto the balcony, and with perfect timing entered Alessandro with a few bottles of Prosecco.  Alessandro shook the Prosecco a little and opened it.  When it fizzed out the top he grabbed some in his fingers and rubbed it behind my ears and said, “For good luck,” and did the same for Mel, Marco, Enrico, and then himself.  He filled some glasses, passed them out and announced, in Italian, “To new friendships!” and we all took a drink.

Niccolo and I talked all night (in Italian) about anything and everything.  We both had knee surgery (on the same knee with a strikingly similar scar), he’s from a nearby town, Vico Equense, and works in Positano every summer where he makes good money as a waiter with all the tourists in town.  He has a big family, and a niece he adores.
 

After Mel, Enrico and Marco decided to go back into the house, Alessandro led me to the edge of the flower pot-lined balcony to look over at the other houses which were tumbling down the hill.  I had never seen anything so beautiful before, the houses looked like they grew out of the hill rather than having been strategically placed and built there.  The clarity of the stars on the warm June night was amazing, not something I typically see at home.  Tonight, thousands of stars were thrown across the sky and each one had a perfect reflection in the sea.

Alessandro stood closer to me and said, “I would like to kiss you now.”  He grabbed me by the waist and stared directly into my eyes, which was pretty uncomfortable because I never had someone staring at me so intensely.  He said, “Bella, I would love to fly into your eyes.”  I held back every inch of me that wanted to laugh.  He wants to fly into my eyes? I thought, That has to be the dorkiest line I’ve ever heard!  I couldn’t decide if it was just some nerdy line he fed to all the tourists, but I simply smiled, put my hand on his chest and said, “Well, I don’t want you to kiss me right now.”  Ha!  Take that!  I can play hard-to-get...kind of!
 

“What?  Why can’t I kiss you now?  Why can’t I kiss you whenever I want?”
“Because I’m not the kind of girl who just lets a guy kiss her whenever he wants!”  OK, this was probably a lie.
“Don't you see I want to be more than your friend?” he asked smiling.
“Uhm, yeah, sure, but you can't tell me before you kiss me!  You have to just do it!”
“But why?”
“I like being surprised.  I’d like to be walking down the street when you just grab me and kiss me without warning.  That’s more romantic than you trying to get a kiss by telling me you want to fly into my eyes!”
“OK, then I'll kiss you when you don’t expect it!”  I could see the gears in his head turning, thinking of the perfect moment to surprise me with a kiss.

I really did want to kiss him right then and there, it really would have been romantic, but I was a little nervous and needed to buy some time.  A nervous kiss isn’t always a good kiss.  At first I was more nervous anticipating a kiss, but at least now I knew he wanted to kiss me, just like I wanted to kiss him.

We talked a little more about our lives and our goals for the future.  I was impressed with how certain he was that he’d like to own a restaurant someday and he would appoint himself head chef, because there’s nothing he loves to do more than cook.  I made up some fantasy of moving to Italy and owning a hotel.  I felt like I had to say something impressive, even though, deep down, I had absolutely no clue what I wanted to do with my life.

Finally, it was almost five o’clock in the morning, and well past time to go back to the hotel.  We decided it was time to leave and wait outside until the ladies would unlock the doors and have breakfast started.  Then, we realized we didn’t remember how to get back to the hotel through the winding maze of roads and half-broken cement stairs.  Thankfully, Alessandro and Enrico gladly offered to walk us home. 
 

Enrico and Mel walked ahead of Alessandro and I, stopping to make out at every possible chance.  We walked past a group of late-teen guys who were probably partying all night, and they were shouting something to Enrico and Alessandro, and I suddenly felt a little ashamed.  These guys probably think we had sex with them!  I must have shown an ashamed look on my face, after all, I didn’t have sex with anyone, and Alessandro yelled something in an angry tone at them.  I have no idea what he said but it sounded good to me and the guys quickly shut up.
 

We got closer to the hotel and I finally knew my surroundings.  There was a huge wall comprised of large stones with jagged edges and small spurts of green grass and tiny wildflowers growing out of them.  In all my travels so far, this is still one of my favorite roads because it seemed to wind around the hill nonstop.  One of my shoes slipped off my left foot a little, so I took a quick pause to fix it.  Just when I was finished, Alessandro grabbed my face in both his hands and gave me a hard, long kiss.  I had butterflies going nonstop all the way through the depths of my stomach and I had never had a kiss before that made me feel that way.  Sure, I’ve gotten butterflies before, but nothing this intense.  Could it be possible that I actually had some feelings for him after only knowing him a few hours?  Maybe it was just the element of surprise I was hoping for.  Or maybe just that much time had passed since I actually had a good kiss.  It felt like I was in a movie and some asshole director would yell, "CUT!" any second now.  After the kiss, he asked, “Did I surprise you?”  I could only really reply with a big, goofy smile and managed to push out the word, “Si.”  He smiled, grabbed my hand, laced each of our fingers together, and we continued walking.

We finally reached our destination.  Enrico requested to talk to Alessandro privately, while Mel eagerly asked me, “So…did you do it?”  I just laughed and said, “Oh my God, no, why, did you?”  She just gave a smile hinting that they either had sex, or came pretty close to it, then said, “So, what if Enrico were to spend the night tomorrow?”  I didn’t know what to say.  I obviously wasn’t going to sleep in a bed next to two people having sex.  I’m sure we’d be able to find a way to sneak him in past the ladies who owned the hotel, but this didn't sound fun for me.  I replied, “Well, I certainly won’t ruin your fun!  Maybe I’ll go walk around the beach or something and you can call me when you guys are done with your, um, alone time.”  Mel replied, “Or you could go home with Alessandro and have some fun of your own, but either way, you’re the best!”  I just smiled, not eager to do either of my two options, but I’m sure I could find some way to occupy my time.  Besides, I had already been to Italy and fooled around with guys, I thought I was over it.  Until that kiss (insert sigh and big goofy smile).

After the small discussion was over, Alessandro pulled me aside and said, “Paolo doesn’t know if he will spend the night with Mel tomorrow night, but if he does, you can stay with me.”  We made plans for the following day, made out some more, and Mel and I sat down outside the hotel waiting for it to open.

Alessandro: Part 1

Positano, Italy

My friend Mel and I were traveling before studying for a month in Florence, and we decided we couldn't pass up visiting the Amalfi Coast.  We decided to stay in Positano, and we finally arrived in the picturesque hill town located just off the deep blue, sparkling Tyrrhenian Sea.  There are a few different ways to get to Positano, the main options were by bus or boat.  We decided to take the bus and after 15 minutes we regretted this decision.

The bus took us all around the Amalfi Coast, of course Positano was almost at the end of the entire route.  It was a tall, coach bus and we were thankful to at least be comfortable!  Being an American, these roads looked too small to drive a mid-sized car on, let alone a huge bus.  It was one lane going each way, and the bus took up almost half of the other lane.  We wound our way around the huge hills on the right side of the bus, which left us nervously looking out the left side of the bus, where we seemed to be dangerously close to falling off the cliff and tumbling down into the sea.  Every time a curve came about, the bus driver would lay on the horn a few times to let someone coming from the other direction know that we were heading straight for them at what felt like high speeds.  I also managed to get carsick, err bus-sick, which doesn't happen often.  We decided to stop looking out the windows, considering we were both having near vomiting experiences.

We made it to the bus' first stop: Amalfi.  We were told Positano was next, we looked at each other and I said, "So, we could get off here and wait for the next bus, ya know, so I don't hurl all over myself."  Mel replied, "We have to get the fuck off this bus and I'm not getting back on another one."  We were excellent travel partners because we both had vulgar mouths, thought the same things were funny, and we belched a lot and didn't feel bad or embarrassed about it.  We also both enjoyed jamming out to Justin Timberlake...but then again, who doesn't?  We took a taxi from Amalfi to Positano and traveled down the same treacherous roads.  We were relieved to see the taxi driver didn't appear to be on the same suicide mission as the bus driver.
When we arrived at the hotel we found out there was a midnight curfew, took showers and got ready to go down to the beach and explore the town.  We didn't care about that midnight curfew, we read that most bars closed at 1 and we didn't plan on getting too crazy anyway.  However, we did take note that if we were out past curfew the main door would be locked and we couldn't get back inside until they reopened everything 6AM.

We weren't dressed to impress, just wearing shorts and halters or tube tops and flip flops.  We shopped a bit, I bought some Diesel sunglasses I couldn't pass up at the time (now I never wear them, go figure), and we sat on the beach and dug our toes into the sand until we were hungry enough for dinner.  We chose a random restaurant, sat down and ordered from our waiter, Enrico. To make a long dinner story short, Enrico made some joke about the Pinot Grigio we ordered and we flirted with him through the rest of dinner.  He invited us to a party at his apartment that he shares with a few people, and told us to meet him at 11.  By his description of the party location, we figured we'd have time to stop by, have a quick drink, and then head back to the hotel before curfew.

We climbed the steps to our hotel, which seemed to be placed somewhere in the middle of the hill, and changed into more appropriate partywear.  We were so excited to go to this party and we had a ton of time to kill, so we went back down to the beach area and had a glass of wine while we waited for Enrico's shift to end.