High Maintenance Women

High maintenance women seem to be a category of women I love to hate.  I guess I just don't understand these types of women.  One of my friends (a girl) once accused me of being high maintenance for having Coach handbags.  She also said that her boyfriend is lucky he'll never have to buy her one, implying that my boyfriend at the time felt he needed to purchase expensive things for me to keep me happy.  Excuuuuse me?  This is far from the truth.  All my expensive purses have been purchased by no one other than myself and I was really offended that she'd assume something like that about me.  I don't want a boyfriend to buy me expensive things, I don't want anyone to buy me expensive things.  I like getting these things for myself, its kind of like an accomplishment or a reward to myself for something.  Everyone buys themselves designer birthday and Christmas gifts, right?  Even when they really shouldn't spend the money on it?  That's all beside the point. 

High maintenance women confuse me because I don't understand at what point in their lives they became so demanding.  I've heard countless stories from my guy friends about these women, and am thankful that I've never been inclined to do such outlandish things like them.  One of my ex-boyfriends could probably tell you I'm high maintenance, but I really think a simple phone call or a text at some point in a day or two isn't too much to ask for a committed relationship.  Hell, I don't even want to see a boyfriend every day.  Maybe 2-3 times a week, maximum.  But you could at least get in touch with me so I know you still exist!

What baffles me more than the demanding women are the men that actually put up with it.  I don't understand these people.  When a guy friend bitches endlessly about his girlfriend, I think it's probably time to part ways.  I understand, you have feelings for them, maybe you love them, but if you have to complain about their actions behind their backs and can't bring these problems to their attention, then what's the point?  Isn't communication supposed to be the most important part in successful relationships?

Obviously, I'm not one to go around touting relationship advice, since I've never even been in one for an entire year, but I still like to think I have at least a tiny bit of common sense on the topic. 

Example:  One of my friends has this girlfriend, who has, "gotten better," with her demands.  It's a distance thing, and he used to have to lie to her when he was going out with his friends sometimes because (it seemed) she wanted him to stay home if she was staying home a few hours away.  That doesn't make sense to me.  Just go out, do your thing, and text me when you get home to say goodnight or something.  She also doesn't seem to like us very much, she thinks we're mean.  I'll give that one to her, we tease each other nonstop and sometimes it can get a little draining.  But in the end, it's just teasing and she can't take the heat.  There was one time that she was his date to a wedding and we were completely turned off by something she did...every time he said something she found to be a little unacceptable, she'd literally put her hand over his mouth to stop him from talking.  I have a feeling he's himself around us, and someone else around her.  I can promise you that any boyfriend I've ever had in my life thus far would dump me if I pulled something like that.

I guess I'll just have to accept that some guys prefer being bossed around and like giving in to every demand some of these chicks make, but I hope that I never meet such a pushover guy like that.  Shouldn't everything be 50/50?  Equal amounts of give and take on both sides? 

She's the Boss?

Today's blog is by my first guest blogger, M-. 

Emma mentioned to me earlier in the week that recently, she noticed a lot of her guy friends were quickly becoming involved with very domineering women (at least, on the relationship side of things - I don't think she can speak to what happens in the bedroom), and wondered what my thoughts were on the situation.

My response?

It's an epidemic.

I've been noticing it quite a bit myself - in fact, one of my best friends (we call him NorthSide on my blog) is involved in just that type of relationship.  He's since moved in with the girl (or, more aptly, she moved in with him, since he pays for the apartment himself) and has taken to adhering to her every whim (which are frequent and often absolutely crazy).  For instance, she has to get up at 6:30 in the morning and go to work, but she will not do so unless he gets up with her (this girl is 23, mind you, and he doesn't have to be at work until 9).  Otherwise, she threatens to quit her job.  He's no longer allowed to come out on the town with anyone (me especially; candidcupid readers know why) and the one time he did, she went on an especially tyrannical rampage that ended with her trying to make the cab company he had called the night before (the only number she didn't recognize in his phone, which she went through in the middle of the night) admit they were in fact a girl he had hooked up with. 

Seriously.

I don't know what the draw is.  Yes, she's semi-attractive and I'm sure she's...generous...with her physical affection, but it's nothing compared to all the negative.  She hates me for some obvious (and not so obvious) reasons, first and foremost of which is that I, quite frankly, won't put up with anything of the sort.  Don't get me wrong; I'm far from a misogynist.  I certainly don't want to be in charge.  The idea that there has to be a sense of "control" in a relationship is preposterous to begin with, but if you're into that sort of thing A) loosen the hell up and B) make sure you see each other as equals.  I refuse to be led around by the proverbial brass ring in the nose.  I'm sure quite a few females (especially after reading my blog) would be quick to say it's because of my "playboy" lifestyle, but that's little more than a throwaway label. As I mentioned before, it isn't that I'm against my lack of control, I just don't see a reason for any in general.  There are, of course, lines and boundaries that have to be respected.  I remember a particularly drawn-out fight I had with an old girlfriend when she wanted to go to a fraternity Halloween party. 

As a "slutty" Indiana Jones.

And as one of two girls who would be there, the other of which was her best friend (and career sorostitute.  Urbandictionary it, kids).

I said "no." 

The resulting argument was long and drawn out, and ended in tears (hers, not mine), but ultimately, she ended up not going.  Similarly, another girlfriend I had requested that I avoid a certain downtown venue where one of her friends tended bar.  She said the girl had made it a habit to make a pass at every boyfriend she'd had since sixth grade (how this made her a "friend" I'll never know) and that she had a particularly keen eye for me (and just so happened, what with her dark brown hair, darker brown eyes, and phenomenal figure, to be just my type).  And respected her wishes (until we broke up, that is.  And yes, before you ask, I did.  Sue me). 

There is no room for this sort of thing in the bella vita. 

Drink some wine.  Make some love.  Enjoy each other for who you are.

You'd be amazed how everything else just seems to fall right into place.

M-

(Care to read more of M's musing?  Then check out his blog over at  http://candidcupid.wordpress.com/ or follow him on Twitter)