I felt more of a friendly attachment to Erik. I invested so much time into helping him that I never realized he was growing attached to me in a different way. Eventually, it would be time to move the relationship farther along, if you know what I mean. I wasn’t concerned, we didn’t have a ton of opportunity for it anyway.
I obviously wasn’t making him happy. I think he had the maturity level of a teenage girl, which is why he dated another girl that was only 18-years-old, while he was dating me. I guess on a day off from work, if I was in school, he’d be out with this other girl. He’d also be having sex with her.
One night, he got wasted at a bar and made out with a girl his own age. I was pissed, but I let it go because he was drunk. Another night, he got wasted and stumbled over to the other girl’s apartment, where he had sex with her and cried and told me the next night in the parking lot of the diner when my friend and I were leaving to go home. Like I said, I didn’t have much more than friendly feelings for him, but either way, we were close. I couldn’t imagine why he would want to hurt me, even after he told me he was in love with me (I’m laughing just thinking about it). It didn’t make sense. He asked if I still cared about him, and I said, “I don’t know, I guess I can’t just stop caring about someone, but I don’t even want to look at you right now. We’re done, never talk to me again,” as I started to walk away. He grabbed my wrist and said, “No, don’t do this, give me another chance.”
“Give you another chance? Another chance to f*** it all up again? This is isn’t the first time you’ve fooled around behind my back, I’m not giving you another chance. If there’s so many better girls out there, go ahead and f*** them all, I have better things to do with my time than deal with this, you make me sick.”
“Please, Emma, don’t do this, I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry.”
“Maybe you should have thought about how sorry you’d be before you did it.”
“Just kiss me and you’ll see that I only want you!”
“Kiss you? You expect me to kiss you? Are you f***ing kidding me? Honestly, all I want to do is punch you in the face!”
“Do it, then. I deserve it.”
“No, I’m not going to actually do it, I’m just saying that’s how much I hate you right now.”
“So punch me then!”
“No!”
“I deserve it!” And without any more thought, I made a fist with my right hand and swung at his left eye, throwing all my weight into it. It hurt me a little, so I shook out my hand and said, “Good bye, Erik,” and he yelled, “You f***ing b***h! I can’t believe you did that! You don’t hit the ones you love!”
“Exactly!” I yelled before slamming my car door shut and driving away. My friend and I laughed the entire way home. Ok, I'll admit it, I did cry a little bit because my feelings were hurt.
On paper, he did most things right. He said sweet things, he never forced situations, he randomly bought me flowers, we rarely argued (unless he was cheating on me), and I felt so much progress was being made with his studies. I felt like I was making a difference in someone’s life. I encouraged him to get his GED, which I found out he did not long after we broke up.
As much as it hurt that he would hurt my feelings by cheating on me, I was really happy he did that. It gave me a legitimate reason to break up with him and move on, and it was a reason that he couldn’t ever come up with a valid argument for. He would have broken up with me if I did the same thing. However, the difference between us is that even though I didn’t want to stay in the relationship but was too scared to come up with a bogus reason to end it, I still would have never, ever cheated on him.
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