Alright, so in my Caution: Water may be Hot post, we see that Jordan and I finally got to hang out after three years. Long story short: Jordan and I have been friends since I was 15 and he was 16. I had a crush on him all throughout high school but never mentioned it. He got engaged and we no longer saw each other but kept up some form of communication during that time. Finally, I pretty much made an ass out of myself when he and his fiance broke things off and we actually got to see each other.
The night at the diner was pretty much just hanging out and talking. We sat there for hours, probably annoying the employees, but we finally decided to call it a night. We hugged, we left, and probably proceeded to text each other once we got home (I don't remember if the texting actually happened, but it's just what we do when we can't sleep so it's safe to assume).
We hung out a few more times, got drinks, went bowling, other random stuff. But one night, we decided to meet back at the diner. Now, to make things clear, my crush had come back full force and I still haven't said anything and have no idea what he thinks about it all. We decided to leave, and while we were walking to our cars he said, "I'm glad we're finally hanging out again."
"Yeah, me too. I forgot how much we laugh at each other."
"I don't want to go home yet," he said, staring at me.
"I don't either but there's really nothing else to do." It was after bar close.
"Well, let's think of something," he said and we got into his car.
On the radio, a certain Taylor Swift song was playing and I started humming it (before you judge my musical tastes, I listen to pretty much everything. And I'm not just saying that because it's what people say. If Jay-Z was on, I would have probably started rapping. Same for you, Kings of Leon.). Jordan started laughing at me, as if humming Taylor Swift with no shame was funny. Ok, maybe it was. So I started actually singing it, and he laughed more. Then, it happened: I caught him singing a few lines!
"Wait...you totally know this song!" I yelled
"Shut up! If you tell anyone about this I swear I'll hit you!"
"You'd never hit me, you love me too much! Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone (me singing off key) Why aren't you singing?"
"I refuse to humor you."
So I grabbed his hands and started making huge gestures with them, as if he was conducting an orchestra, and finally got him singing. We both sang the chorus and laughed until it came on again and then sang it even louder. When the song was over we kept laughing and I said, "Don't worry, babycakes, I won't tell anyone you love Taylor Swift. And I don't think you're any less of a man for knowing the words."
"Great, now I really feel like a loser!"
"Nah, you shouldn't, I don't judge you for this. What do you want to do now?"
"Emma...." he said, and I felt him staring at me while I sat in the passenger seat staring at my purse.
"Yeah?" I finally turned to look at him.
"I just...I don't know. Fuck it," he said, and then he pulled my chin close to him and kissed me.
Yep, this is happening, I'm finally making out with Jordan, in a car, in the parking lot of a 24 hour diner. I've only been waiting for this to happen for 8 years. For once in my life I didn't over-think something, I didn't wonder what it meant, I didn't care if this was just his solution to our boredom or if he actually had feelings for me. I just enjoyed it. Things progressed to more than PG stuff, and I found myself in a position in a car that I hadn't been in for years.
I found myself straddling him, I almost honked the horn with my butt to get into this position and he said, "We need to find somewhere to go." He had roommates. I had roommates. It was kind of an unspoken agreement that this sort of thing shouldn't actually be happening between us. I didn't want to deal with friends giving me the, "I told you so," look. Besides, one of my friends already predicted this would happen and I don't like it when she's right. I agreed we needed to find somewhere else to park the car, until I noticed what time it was. I had to be to school in four hours (yeah, I was that girl, I rarely skipped class in college). I regrettably declined and we made plans for the next night when I was done with work and his roommate would be out of town. Bingo.
Now, I don't really like planning sex. Especially with someone I've never had sex with before, that just makes things seem totally awkward. Also, I still had no idea if my feelings for him were mutual. Anyway, I drove to his place after work, we had some amazing sex, and I spent the night (I generally don't do sleepovers). The next night we did the same thing, but I planned on going home. While we were laying there naked, he said, "I have to tell you something and I don't want it to make things weird."
"Being naked is never an appropriate time to tell someone something that might be weird," I said.
"Fine, I won't tell you then."
"I'm just kidding. What's up?"
"Ok, well, I like you, and if you don't like me like that I understand." BINGO!
"I see. And how long have you had these feelings for me?" That's right, play it cool, Emma. Now is not the time to get all mushy.
"I don't know. I don't remember not having these feelings for you."
"Hmm...so you're saying since we met?"
"I guess if I have to spell it out for you, yeah."
"Oh, well, if you're going to be a dick I'm going to end this conversation right now."
"Fine." (longest silence ever) "Wait, you can't do that!"
"I can do whatever I want."
"Are you just messing with me?"
"Yes."
"You have feelings for me too?"
"Yes."
"Since when?"
"Since, well, forever," finally, it was all out there.
And there we were, naked, and my life was changed in just five minutes: Jordan was finally my boyfriend. Of course, we, um, celebrated.
Dear readers, don't get too excited. We dated for a week and called it quits. Totally mutual breakup, just decided we were better off as friends. A month later? We dated again, for three weeks. Same breakup. A month after that breakup? We dated again, for the last time, for an entire month. It just wasn't meant to be. It only felt that way since we had these hidden feelings for each other for so long. With everything out in the open it was only exciting for so long. Then, our relationship turned into really good friends that have sex. I know what you're thinking, that's what every relationship should be like! But sometimes it just doesn't work out.
Where are we now, as of July 3, 2011? Well, we're really good friends that have sex. He's one of my best friends, I tell him everything. When Shawn (you haven't met him yet) and I were having problems, I'd always be with Jordan forgetting about it (by that I mean getting drunk, not cheating, I'm not like that. You can read more about what it's like to cheat on me here).
Some of my friends have asked me why Jordan and I aren't together. I can't really answer that question. I know he gets random feelings for another girl, and I don't really look at him that way anymore. It's just an actual friends with benefits situation. Whether or not we'll date again in the future I can't tell, I don't own a crystal ball. But, if I had to guess, I'd say that ship has sailed and things will remain the way they are until one of us gets into a relationship with someone else. Then we'll go back to just being regular friends. And I'm totally fine with that.
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