Girls with boyfriends just don't get it

I don't understand some guys. OK, total understatement, I don't understand most guys. They'll go around parading their crushes, lust, feelings, or whatever to their friends, but some of them will never have the courage to tell the girl. Now, I totally get shyness. I do. I'm shy, and I'm most likely never going to just walk up to a guy I see at a bar and start a conversation or something...unless I'm in Europe. I'm a totally different person in Europe and when I travel.

There are girls that just don't get it too.  And you'll see what I'm talking about later in this post.

There's this guy, and he tells all these mutual friends how much he likes me and he thinks I'm funny, but then when it comes to hanging out, we never talk. And don't get me wrong, in this scenario I know it's basically a guaranteed thing, so I try to talk to him, but it doesn't really work.

I don't know if I like him or not, which is why I'd like it if we could have a real conversation. But, I am at a loss of what to do next!

I understand his shyness is probably amplified around our friends. We have two friends in common, and when he's invited to hang out they usually talk to him about stuff the three of them all know about, which doesn't include the rest of us. Then, the two friends will talk to the rest of us about stuff that doesn't include him. I don't think they realize they're doing it, and they make an effort to give everyone equal time. But, it's difficult bringing a new person into a group of friends that has so many inside jokes and things they reference.

Anyway, one night I was out with the two friends, their friend, let's call him Kyle, and my friend....Sarah (not her real name, of course!). I was a little nervous this night, I sometimes get really anxious in crowded bars (maybe I'll share all that in another post). It was karaoke night. Everything was going as usual, but I decided I wanted to talk to Kyle a little more tonight to see if I could see myself liking him "like that" and to decide if I wanted to try to pursue a better friendship or something more out of it.

Well, I had briefed Sarah on the entire situation, she's friends with the two guys but hasn't ever met Kyle. Sarah has a boyfriend, and she always has a boyfriend. If she breaks up with a guy she probably is only single for about a month. The current boyfriend I think is a keeper, and they've been together for a super long time now. I'm happy for them, but I don't think she is really in touch with the single life of a 26-year-old young lady like myself.

Finally, I was talking to Kyle. It wasn't a huge deal, it was just about music, and how we hate it when people who actually sing well hog the karaoke spotlight. I am a horrendous singer, and I go up there and belt out some awesome songs, and if there's a cordless mic I'll even dance around the bar. It's a pretty awesome show...assuming I'm not feeling anxious and will actually get up there.

Anyway, We were having a good time, I thought, and Sarah smiled at me when we began talking. It was one of those, "Good job!" smiles, and then about five minutes later she walks up to me and says, "I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Oh...OK," I replied.
"So come with me!"
"Do you really need me to?"

And she smiled and nodded her head.

Let me put this out there: This always happens. She is always like this, and you always have to go with her. Sometimes you think she probably has some juicy gossip for you, but then you get to the bathroom and 90% of the time she legit has to pee and has nothing interesting to add to that.

But, here I am, being naive and thinking that maybe one of the two guys told her that Kyle likes me or something...you know, anything productive to the situation.

Nope. Just had to pee.

We left the bathroom, I was frustrated, and Kyle was in the middle of singing karaoke. When he was finished he came back and got into a deep sports conversation with one of the other guys. I like sports, but, unfortunately they were discussing the only sport I find completely boring: Football. American football, that is, for anyone reading this outside the USA. I do very much enjoy soccer.

So, Sarah and I left.

I wish this guy would just get to it and at least ask for my number or something. But, I guess that's not in the cards yet. Lately I've been trying really hard to believe in fate and destiny and all that jazz, so maybe it's just not our time. Maybe it's still my ridiculously long time to be single. Maybe it's my time to go out and play the field and date a few guys at once, and then I can pick one and not be single any more.

Along the lines of fate and destiny, sometimes I think that maybe I'm supposed to be with someone already in my life, but it's just not the time for us to be together. I don't by any means think I should wait around for "our time," I think I should go on living my life as if I don't know my fate with him already (because obviously I don't know that for sure!). Some day maybe we'll be together, maybe we won't. But, other times, which is most of the time, I think fate and destiny is just a big load of shit when it comes to love.

:-)

Fifty Shades...hmm

I've started reading Fifty Shades of Grey.  There might be some spoilers in this post, so if you are in the process of reading the first book in the series, or if you intend to read it soon, you should probably skip this blog post!

Anyway, I've really been just doing my own thing the past few years when it comes to books.  I didn't get into Harry Potter, in fact, my friend asked if I wanted to go with her to take her little cousin to the movie when it came out, and there was a lot of hype so I went.  I also fell asleep.  No offense, Harry, because I fell asleep in X-Men, too.  I didn't get into Twilight, the books or the movie.  I'm just not into the vampire scene, nor do I care to read about the woes of being in love with one (I think that's what it's about...right?).

I did, however, get into The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and the rest of the Millennium series.  I had tons of Facebook friends recommending it and I immediately bought the first two books (the third wasn't in paperback when I initially went).  I loved them.  So, when a majority of the same friends were talking up The Hunger Games and that series, I fell into the trap.  I bought all three books right away.  I loved them.  Honestly, I didn't think it'd be my cup of tea, and it really had me rethinking whether or not I should go out and buy Twilight, or at least borrow it from someone.  But, I have some stigma against Twilight for no good reason and I'm just not going to do it.  There's plenty other books out there!

So, imagine the trust I have in people when they are talking on Facebook about how great Fifty Shades of Grey is and they just can't put it down.  I looked it up, read the synopsis, and thought, "Yeah, I could potentially like this."  I bought it.  The first one only.  And I'm glad I didn't buy all three.

Let me be fair, I'm only 124 pages into it, so maybe it'll get better.  I don't necessarily like the way E L James writes, but I can look beyond that.  I knew going into this that there would be at on of sex, and I'm not too squeamish about that, but there are just little things that irk me.

Like, Christian Grey, one of the main characters.  Stop being coy and just tell Ana what you're into.  Instead, so far, he's been doing this stupid, "I'm not the right man for you," and "Stay away from me," kind of stuff.  What the hell?  Get over yourself, tell her what you like and what you want from her, and let her decide for herself if you're good for her or if she should run for the hills. 

I'll admit, sometimes he's pretty hot.  I like his self control and I love that he lets Ana know that he wants her, and she's only his, and blah blah blah.  But sometimes it's really creepy.  I didn't realize this lifestyle went outside the bedroom, so when he tells her that she needs to finish all the food on her plate I find that to be less sexy and more like something one of my parents would have said to me when I was six-years-old.

But, it takes all types and maybe that's sexy and hot for some people.  I'm told to not give up on the book yet, and that it gets better and there's some sort of cliff hanger ending that will make me want to buy the second book.  I'm really hoping that's true.  I've never started a book and not finished it, so even if it takes me a while, this book will get read.  I'm just hoping its in a timely manner because I have a ton of other books just waiting for me to read them on a day off!

Anyway, I'm sure people will hate me for having doubts about this book, just like everyone thought I was a wacko for not thinking the movie "Bridesmaids" was funny and worth all the hype.  "The Hangover" was definitely a million times funnier.  But, I digress!

:-)

My First Kiss

I think every little girl watches movies and imagines Prince Charming coming along and kissing her at the end, and then something magical happens: some sort of spell is broken.  So, even though I was 14-years-old and too old for fairy tales, I still expected some sort of magic when I got my first kiss.  I was wrong.

There were a few of us playing basketball one day after school.  The school year was almost over, and we were graduating from 8^th grade and moving on to high school.  There was the basketball court, and then a small playground next to it.  Since it was the end of Spring/beginning of Summer, we were all in shorts and t-shirts.  I sat down in the wood chips and Kevin sat down next to me and said, “Good game,” I replied, “Thanks, but my defense was kinda clumsy.”  That was my way of subtly apologizing for accidentally punching him in the stomach when I lunged forward to steal the ball from him.  He just laughed, and I knew he accepted my apology.

The other three were Josh, Grace, and Joey.  Josh was sitting at the top of the slide and Grace and Joey were nearby on the swings.  Someone suggested we play Truth or Dare.  Of course, everyone was too scared to pick a dare, so we went around telling truths, like who we had crushes on and things like that.  However, picking truth scared me more than anything they could make me to in a dare.  I mean, what would they possibly have me do?  Ring someone’s doorbell and run away?  I ran pretty fast, so I didn’t care.

Finally, Grace asked, “Emma, truth or dare?”
“Dare,” I replied.  All the boys gasped and Grace had a mischievous look on her face.
“Dare, huh?” she said, “Alright.  I dare you to make out with…Kevin.  For 10 seconds.”  Grace knew I had a crush on Kevin, even though I never actually told her.
“OK, fine,” I said, trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal.  I never expected my first kiss to be on a dare.  But, I chose it and now I had to live with it.

Kevin smiled at me and moved closer and I whispered, “I’ve never made out with anyone before.”
“I know,” he whispered back, “but it’s just me, you don’t have to be nervous.”
“But what if I’m bad at it?  I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
“It’s like thumb wars, but with our tongues.  Just follow along with what I do.”

According to an 8^th grader, Kevin was experienced.  He had kissed a few girls at school, and there were rumors he touched some boobs, but I have no idea if that was ever true.  Even though we were really good friends and hung out all the time, I never thought to ask him because it wasn’t my business.

Kevin leaned in, I closed my eyes, and our lips touched.  Our mouths opened and he stuck his tongue in my mouth and I just followed whatever he did, like he said.  As soon as we started, everyone else began counting down from 10.  I didn’t think kissing was a big deal, but as I got the hang of it, it kept getting better.  At some point, everything around me became fuzzy.  The voices of the other kids counting was nonexistent, I had no sense of time, place, or anything.  I lost track of the countdown, and he must have too.

We kept kissing and finally I turned my focus back to our friends, they were all giggling and laughing.  I realized we must have gone longer than 10 seconds, and I abruptly ended the kiss by pulling away and starting to pick wood chips off my legs.  Joey said, “It looks like they’re in looooove!” and I still remember my cheeks getting hot and turning red, I was embarrassed and said, “Oh shut up, it was just a dare!” and Kevin smiled at me.  He must have known that had I picked truth, I would have been forced to say I had a crush on him. 

That was my first kiss, not super special, there were no "fireworks," but it was special enough to remember so vividly.  Sure, he wasn’t necessarily Prince Charming, I wasn’t under some spell that he broke, and years later we would encounter each other in a similar way…and it didn’t turn out well.  I haven’t talked to him in years, and even though we ended a friendship on not so good terms, I still remember him fondly and will never, ever forget my first kiss.