Girls with boyfriends just don't get it

I don't understand some guys. OK, total understatement, I don't understand most guys. They'll go around parading their crushes, lust, feelings, or whatever to their friends, but some of them will never have the courage to tell the girl. Now, I totally get shyness. I do. I'm shy, and I'm most likely never going to just walk up to a guy I see at a bar and start a conversation or something...unless I'm in Europe. I'm a totally different person in Europe and when I travel.

There are girls that just don't get it too.  And you'll see what I'm talking about later in this post.

There's this guy, and he tells all these mutual friends how much he likes me and he thinks I'm funny, but then when it comes to hanging out, we never talk. And don't get me wrong, in this scenario I know it's basically a guaranteed thing, so I try to talk to him, but it doesn't really work.

I don't know if I like him or not, which is why I'd like it if we could have a real conversation. But, I am at a loss of what to do next!

I understand his shyness is probably amplified around our friends. We have two friends in common, and when he's invited to hang out they usually talk to him about stuff the three of them all know about, which doesn't include the rest of us. Then, the two friends will talk to the rest of us about stuff that doesn't include him. I don't think they realize they're doing it, and they make an effort to give everyone equal time. But, it's difficult bringing a new person into a group of friends that has so many inside jokes and things they reference.

Anyway, one night I was out with the two friends, their friend, let's call him Kyle, and my friend....Sarah (not her real name, of course!). I was a little nervous this night, I sometimes get really anxious in crowded bars (maybe I'll share all that in another post). It was karaoke night. Everything was going as usual, but I decided I wanted to talk to Kyle a little more tonight to see if I could see myself liking him "like that" and to decide if I wanted to try to pursue a better friendship or something more out of it.

Well, I had briefed Sarah on the entire situation, she's friends with the two guys but hasn't ever met Kyle. Sarah has a boyfriend, and she always has a boyfriend. If she breaks up with a guy she probably is only single for about a month. The current boyfriend I think is a keeper, and they've been together for a super long time now. I'm happy for them, but I don't think she is really in touch with the single life of a 26-year-old young lady like myself.

Finally, I was talking to Kyle. It wasn't a huge deal, it was just about music, and how we hate it when people who actually sing well hog the karaoke spotlight. I am a horrendous singer, and I go up there and belt out some awesome songs, and if there's a cordless mic I'll even dance around the bar. It's a pretty awesome show...assuming I'm not feeling anxious and will actually get up there.

Anyway, We were having a good time, I thought, and Sarah smiled at me when we began talking. It was one of those, "Good job!" smiles, and then about five minutes later she walks up to me and says, "I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Oh...OK," I replied.
"So come with me!"
"Do you really need me to?"

And she smiled and nodded her head.

Let me put this out there: This always happens. She is always like this, and you always have to go with her. Sometimes you think she probably has some juicy gossip for you, but then you get to the bathroom and 90% of the time she legit has to pee and has nothing interesting to add to that.

But, here I am, being naive and thinking that maybe one of the two guys told her that Kyle likes me or something...you know, anything productive to the situation.

Nope. Just had to pee.

We left the bathroom, I was frustrated, and Kyle was in the middle of singing karaoke. When he was finished he came back and got into a deep sports conversation with one of the other guys. I like sports, but, unfortunately they were discussing the only sport I find completely boring: Football. American football, that is, for anyone reading this outside the USA. I do very much enjoy soccer.

So, Sarah and I left.

I wish this guy would just get to it and at least ask for my number or something. But, I guess that's not in the cards yet. Lately I've been trying really hard to believe in fate and destiny and all that jazz, so maybe it's just not our time. Maybe it's still my ridiculously long time to be single. Maybe it's my time to go out and play the field and date a few guys at once, and then I can pick one and not be single any more.

Along the lines of fate and destiny, sometimes I think that maybe I'm supposed to be with someone already in my life, but it's just not the time for us to be together. I don't by any means think I should wait around for "our time," I think I should go on living my life as if I don't know my fate with him already (because obviously I don't know that for sure!). Some day maybe we'll be together, maybe we won't. But, other times, which is most of the time, I think fate and destiny is just a big load of shit when it comes to love.

:-)

Fifty Shades...hmm

I've started reading Fifty Shades of Grey.  There might be some spoilers in this post, so if you are in the process of reading the first book in the series, or if you intend to read it soon, you should probably skip this blog post!

Anyway, I've really been just doing my own thing the past few years when it comes to books.  I didn't get into Harry Potter, in fact, my friend asked if I wanted to go with her to take her little cousin to the movie when it came out, and there was a lot of hype so I went.  I also fell asleep.  No offense, Harry, because I fell asleep in X-Men, too.  I didn't get into Twilight, the books or the movie.  I'm just not into the vampire scene, nor do I care to read about the woes of being in love with one (I think that's what it's about...right?).

I did, however, get into The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and the rest of the Millennium series.  I had tons of Facebook friends recommending it and I immediately bought the first two books (the third wasn't in paperback when I initially went).  I loved them.  So, when a majority of the same friends were talking up The Hunger Games and that series, I fell into the trap.  I bought all three books right away.  I loved them.  Honestly, I didn't think it'd be my cup of tea, and it really had me rethinking whether or not I should go out and buy Twilight, or at least borrow it from someone.  But, I have some stigma against Twilight for no good reason and I'm just not going to do it.  There's plenty other books out there!

So, imagine the trust I have in people when they are talking on Facebook about how great Fifty Shades of Grey is and they just can't put it down.  I looked it up, read the synopsis, and thought, "Yeah, I could potentially like this."  I bought it.  The first one only.  And I'm glad I didn't buy all three.

Let me be fair, I'm only 124 pages into it, so maybe it'll get better.  I don't necessarily like the way E L James writes, but I can look beyond that.  I knew going into this that there would be at on of sex, and I'm not too squeamish about that, but there are just little things that irk me.

Like, Christian Grey, one of the main characters.  Stop being coy and just tell Ana what you're into.  Instead, so far, he's been doing this stupid, "I'm not the right man for you," and "Stay away from me," kind of stuff.  What the hell?  Get over yourself, tell her what you like and what you want from her, and let her decide for herself if you're good for her or if she should run for the hills. 

I'll admit, sometimes he's pretty hot.  I like his self control and I love that he lets Ana know that he wants her, and she's only his, and blah blah blah.  But sometimes it's really creepy.  I didn't realize this lifestyle went outside the bedroom, so when he tells her that she needs to finish all the food on her plate I find that to be less sexy and more like something one of my parents would have said to me when I was six-years-old.

But, it takes all types and maybe that's sexy and hot for some people.  I'm told to not give up on the book yet, and that it gets better and there's some sort of cliff hanger ending that will make me want to buy the second book.  I'm really hoping that's true.  I've never started a book and not finished it, so even if it takes me a while, this book will get read.  I'm just hoping its in a timely manner because I have a ton of other books just waiting for me to read them on a day off!

Anyway, I'm sure people will hate me for having doubts about this book, just like everyone thought I was a wacko for not thinking the movie "Bridesmaids" was funny and worth all the hype.  "The Hangover" was definitely a million times funnier.  But, I digress!

:-)

Sometimes people are frustrating...



It's true!

So, let me put this out there, Jordan and I are just friends.  Sure, I had a little slip up once and told him I had feelings for him.  I didn't think I actually meant it upon further consideration.  I still will never date him again. 

We're friends with benefits.  So what?  Why is that such a big deal?  Let's pretend I knew I had feelings for him, would I tell him?  Absolutely not.  I don't even really care that much.  He recently moved away, and we hung out one night before he left.  It was so much fun, we laughed a ton, and it was just an overall great night.  But on the way home, I found myself really sad that he was leaving.  It almost felt like a break up.

I guess I did have feelings for him, and possibly still do.  But what does it all mean?  I've had some time to think about it, and it means that he's an amazing friend, who I don't want to be without.  Of course we can still talk all the time, he's one of my closest friends.  Having feelings for him changes nothing.  I get a tiny bit jealous when he's seeing someone new, but for the most part I don't care if she's a good person.

I just wish people wouldn't give me advice when I don't ask for it.  Sometimes I just want to say that I'm a little down about something, and let's do something fun to take my mind off it.  There seem to be only two friends that actually let me do that, and they're the ones I've known the longest.  I don't need someone telling me he's not right for me, because I'm not looking to date or marry him.  I just don't want our friendship to change, but I'm rolling with the punches and accepting it.

I know this post is quite rambly, but that's just how my thoughts are right now!  I've got so much going on in my life and I have an extremely busy summer ahead of me, which I have a feeling is bound to get extremely stressful, but I think I'll save all that for my next post :-)

Places to meet men...supposedly

Alright, so I'm finally getting my life together (kind of).  I know what types of careers I'd love to do, I'm applying to jobs nonstop (so I can get out of retail and into a regular career), and I'm puttering away at writing my novel.  The novel part has proven to be a lot more difficult than I expected.  It's based on things that happened in my life, so I thought it'd be easy.  However, I'm adding some fiction to it and changing names alone can be pretty exhausting.  Maybe I'm making too much of it.  I mean, instead of just changing a guy's name to something easy like, "Pete," I think, Well, he doesn't look or act like a Pete.  I'm not totally sure what a "Pete" might look or act like, though.  Anyway, at least I"m putting a ton of thought into it, right?

So, I think I'm finally ready to meet a guy and have a real relationship.  When I started this blog, I intended on dating a lot more than I ended up doing.  I just got busy, and to be totally honest, I wasn't actually ready for a relationship.  I think I am now, and the only way to actually find out is to go for it!  But where do I meet guys?   I'm not the type of girl to just strike up a conversation with a stranger unless I have a question about something and a cute guy just so happens to be around. So, I've been doing a little research (it really only consisted of a Google search "where to meet men" and I read a Cosmo article, which is listed at the end of this post). 

I've discovered that I can find at least one reason, that I think is valid, why I most likely won't meet a guy in any of these places.  But, here goes, places to meet men!

1. The Apple store - Because guys love gadgets and technology and you can easily meet a man there.  OK,  I see what you're saying, and it makes perfect sense.  However, I don't know about everyone else, but the only Apple store near me is terrible.  It always feels like it's 10 million degrees in the store, and it smells kind of funny.  Not like B.O. or anything, but as if every single person that has come in and out of the store has been wearing clothes that haven't been washed.  I don't want to spend time in there if I don't have to.
2. The gym, more specifically, the weight room - I actually think this is a good place, but not for me.  I work out with a trainer at the gym, because Lord knows there is no way I'm just going to voluntarily lift weights and push myself to the extent I need to be pushed.  Cardio is one thing, I like testing my limits, but weights?  No way.  Anyway, when I work out with the trainer, I sometimes see this really, really cute guy.  But I'd probably never talk to him.  What do I say?  You might be thinking, "Start by telling him your name!"  Then what?  If some guy just came up to me and told me his name I'd probably say, "Um, ok," and get back to working out.  When I work out, I don't want to be disturbed or interrupted.
3. A Fortune 500 or tech company - Um, ok.  Who's going to give me a job there???

I know there are plenty of more resources and articles about where to meet men.  A lot suggest online dating, but its just not my thing.  It's really hard to sweep me off my feet on the Internet, especially if you have poor grammar.  Other articles have suggested meeting guys through friends, but that's awkward if it doesn't work out. 

Anyway, I know I'll figure it out, and not in some cheesy way.  It'll happen when it's supposed to happen (at least, that's what I keep telling myself)!

Cosmo article:
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/best-places-to-meet-men

Engagements, Babies, and Houses...Oh My!!!

The past few weeks have been pretty exciting!  They've been filled with exciting news left and right.  First, my brother and his wife are going to have a baby!  This will be my first little niece or nephew, and I'm ready to spoil the baby ASAP, I just wish I didn't have to wait 8 more months!  It's weird for me to think of my brother being a father, but I know he's going to be a good one.  Maybe not as good as our dad, because we have the best dad in the whole world, but he'll be a close second!

Also, two of my friends just got engaged!  I'm really happy for both of them, and I'm excited to celebrate their big days when the time rolls around to it.  However, me being me, I'm a little jealous.  It's strange because one friend I'm more jealous of than the other.

The first friend that got engaged I knew it was coming, but the second kind of blind sided me.  It's the second friend I'm a little more jealous of.  I've known that friend for most of my life, and she's my best friend.  We're really similar as far as our sense of humor, we can tell each other anything and everything and expect no judgment.  I can ask her something and get an honest opinion or advice, and I do the same for her.  She's been with her now-fiance for a few years and they've talked about marriage before.  She's always wanted to wait until she's finished with all her school endeavors, and she recently applied to grad school.

I guess my jealousy lies in the part of life that makes me feel like I'm being left behind.  While everyone has been out meeting their boyfriends/girlfriends/fiances/husbands/wives, I've been saving all my money to travel around Europe.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade in those travel experiences for being a wife and stuff, but I guess I wish I had focused more in the past on finding a guy that is as in love with traveling as I am.

I've been criticized in the past by a few friends for spending my money on traveling, and an ex of mine told me it was a total waste of time and money, but I just feel that there has to be a guy out there that wants to take a yearly trip to Europe, and after we've seen all those countries we'll take yearly trips to South America.  Someone that doesn't think it's a waste of time to volunteer in Tanzania and go on a safari in Kenya.  Someone who wants to go to Asia and Australia and just let go and learn about another culture.  That's the part that is so attractive to me about traveling: learning about other cultures, seeing the historical sites of places I've only read about, imagining what it must have been like to see gladiators in the Colosseum in Rome, etc.  I've been to 10 countries and I don't want to stop there!  I want to see 50 countries and all 50 states in my lifetime...and I want to do all that with someone equally passionate about it.

I guess the jealousy is mostly that she's found a guy that wants to be with her the rest of her life.  She likes traveling, too, and he's into it.  He probably knows all her ups and downs as well as I do by now, and he still wants to spend the rest of his life with her and whatever quirky habits she may bring into the situation.  I just wish I could meet someone who makes me happy like he makes her happy.  I'm so glad she's found someone like that, and I hope that my guy is just around the corner.

I've been looking at buying a house or a condo lately, and I'd really love to make such an investment.  Most days I'm really excited about it.  Then there's days like today, when I realize that making such a big investment might mean I can't travel for a while.  It's the thought of finally settling down that freaks me out.  I just don't make enough money to pay a mortgage, utilities, save money for the future, and save money to travel.  I'm hoping things will change so I can have it all, but that's a pretty famous saying, right?  "You can't have it all!"  Well, watch me, because settling down doesn't mean settling on the life you have right now.  Right? 

So, here's an early New Year's toast, or maybe a Thanksgiving toast:

I'm thankful for all the amazing people in my life, my family, friends, and the new addition I'm impatiently waiting to meet.  I'm thankful for everyone who has ever been there for me through my toughest times.  I'm thankful my two friends have found guys that treat them well and want to share the rest of their lives with.  I'm thankful for having the chance to have seen 10 countries and have amazing stories and pictures to bring home with each one.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

So, with that said, here's to moving forward!

I bet 10 minutes after writing this I'll be sulking around trying to figure out how to afford everything and my next vacation.  :)

"No," means....NO!

Alright guys, let's just keep it plain and simple: the word "no," always means exactly that...no.  I know there are girls out there that like to play little mind games and they think they're being flirty when they tell you "no," about something, but those girls shouldn't get any more of your attention because they're weird.  So, play it safe and just walk away when someone says no.  Even if it seems to be a simple situation.  No.

Here's what happened to me the other day...

I was at work and decided to have a cigarette (yeah, this whole scenario is reason number one million to quit smoking.  Reason number one million and one is the run-in with a raccoon the other night while smoking my before bed cigarette).  I walked out the front door and was standing between my store and a popular video game store.  I stand here because it's next to one of those smokers' poles, or butt depots.  I was just minding my own business, having a cigarette, texting some people, when a car pulled up and parked in the front row.  A guy got out and yelled, "Damn girl!  You're gorgeous!"

He's not talking to me, I thought, as I inconspicuously looked to my left and right, realizing I was the only person standing out there.  Shit.  The guy came walking up to me, video games in hand, and this is what happened from there:

"Hey beautiful, what's your name?"  he asked.
"Umm, Emma,"  Shit!  Why did I give him my real name?!
"How old are you?"
"What do you think?"
"20?"
"Nope."
"17?"
"Ew.  No.  25.  How old are you?"
"Legal."
"Legal?  For what?"  This is where I got an attitude.
"I'm 23," he said laughing.
"I don't think you're funny."
"Aw, come on, I was only joking."
"I don't care."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
"Can I get your number?"
"No."
"Awww, come on, I wanna take you out to dinner and make you smile."
"I just don't see that happening.  Sorry."
"Come on," he said, opening his flip phone, "what's your number?"
"Sorry buddy, you're not getting it."
"Just let me have it!"
"ALRIGHT!  How about you go return your games, and I'll think about it and let you know when you come back out."
"Sounds good," he said, winking and walking into the store.

I waited for the game store's door to close, I leisurely walked over to my store, and as soon as I got inside I literally ran to the back room, where I hid until my coworker told me the car I pointed out to her was gone.

You know, I've never pulled such a bitchy move before.  But I've never had to refuse someone my phone number more than once, maybe twice.  That wasn't fun and flirty, that was a straight up no.  I can't believe some of you guys!  Persistence is one thing, annoyance is another.  Have a little dignity, when a girl says no, take it at face value.  If she was just trying to be flirty and weird when she said, "no," you need to move on.  It'll be her loss.  When she realizes her flirting tactic sucked, if she's interested enough she'll find a way to get you back to conversation.

Seriously.

No means no. 

And let's talk for a second about his entire approach.  I wasn't really attracted to him, and even if I was, I would have reacted the same way.  I just don't like such an abrasive approach.  I'm not sure how many girls do.

Dream Man Checklist (I made a few changes)

I've never really thought about creating an actual checklist of qualities my dream man would have until a few years ago when I saw a few episodes of the show Tough Love on VH1.  On this show, a professional matchmaker helps women find men while teaching them valuable love lessons on the way.  Sometimes it comes down to a girl just not caring enough about herself, or being too insecure, not knowing how to talk to guys, etc.  There was one lady on the show that had a checklist of her dream man, and the matchmaker, Steve, told her to ditch that list.  I understand why he made her get rid of it, it's not fair to you or your potential mate to have a list of qualifications they must meet.  What if your list has 10 things on it, and he/she only has seven or eight of those qualities?  You could still be missing out on something really great!

On the other hand, I can see the good side of such a list.  Throughout all of my relationships I constantly find myself relieved when I realize this guy doesn't do that annoying thing so-and-so did, but usually the new guy ends up doing something bogus (I know some day I'll meet a guy that doesn't do bogus things, but so far that's mostly what I've encountered...come on, good guys!  I'm waiting!).  I think it's only natural to create these mental checklists based on past experiences, after all, you should be trying to improve, right?

Maybe you're thinking it isn't fair for a woman (or anyone) to have a list in mind, maybe now you'll go on a date wondering if the other person is mentally checking items off the list or not, but we all have some form of a list.  For example, you don't approach someone with hopes of getting their phone number unless they meet your physical checklist, or at least part of it.  Would you walk up to someone you find totally unattractive and try to date them?  Maybe that sounds harsh, but physical attraction is usually a reason people start talking (correct me if I'm wrong).

On another note, when I was on OkCupid for a short period of time, I was asked to fill out part of my profile that was titled, "What I'm looking for."  This just invites all those lists!  I must admit, this was a hard one to fill out.  How do I single out a group of guys?  Even more mind boggling, does any guy even meet all the qualities of my checklist?  He could, but still be a jerk.  I guess I'll have to add, "not a jerk" to the list, just in case.  Anyway, with much consideration, I've decided to compile a list of things I look for in a guy.  These aren't mandatory, but I think it'd be pretty sweet if I could find someone like this!

Physical
1. Taller than me...I love to wear heels!  Plus, I'm only 5'4 so this isn't very hard to do.
2. Nice arms
3. Not skrawny.  Total turnoff (for me).
4. No long hair
5. Nice teeth (Trivial?  Perhaps, but I can't help what I like!)
6. Showers regularly (Yes, I've had some stinkers hit on me).

Personality
1. Sweet - You can say sweet things, they don't need to be cheesy.  Everyone likes to hear they're beautiful!
2. Funny - With a similar sense of humor as me.  I'm pretty sarcastic and sometimes people don't get it.  If you can make me laugh until I cry that would be outstanding.
3. Romantic - Yes, I'd like to randomly receive flowers or something, even just once.   
4. Mature, with the ability to be totally goofy sometimes.  By mature I mean you're out of your frat-boy partying phase.
5. Responsible - This goes along with maturity.
6. Not a jerk.
7. Confident, not conceited, cocky or arrogant.  There's a big difference!
8. Outgoing
9. Flirty
10. Respectful
11. Intelligent.  I constantly try to learn new things and I Google pretty much everything.  I often blurt out completely useless information.  Did you know in Disney World, if someone vomits on a ride they call it a protein spill?
12. Doesn't need to spend every day with me.  I'm not ready for that.
13. Isn't intimidated by my fear of commitment.
14. Likes me for who I am!
15. Loves to travel...because I pretty much want to go everywhere in the world!

I think it's pretty simple.  I could have gotten super cheesy and added something about holding hands in public and making me tingle every time we kiss and blah blah blah.  But why?  If there's a real "spark" there, that stuff will just happen.  At least I hope it would.

Dr. Temperance Brennan & Special Agent Seeley Booth, Bones

Or, how about everyone just watches the TV show Bones, because Agent Booth is pretty hot, and he has a great personality.  I have no idea if David Boreanaz is actually a good guy or not, and personality definitely factors in with hotness.  Anyway, if I could find a guy like that, I'd be all set.  But I'm going to get back to reality! : )

Maybe my list seems short, but it's all I can come up with without narrowing my options down to some guy you only read about in a fairytale or see in a movie.  I think the personality qualities I look for are all ones I have, so I don't think it's too much to ask for in a potential mate.  I know people out there have lists, but I'm curious what they include on theirs!  Feel free to share!