Girls with boyfriends just don't get it

I don't understand some guys. OK, total understatement, I don't understand most guys. They'll go around parading their crushes, lust, feelings, or whatever to their friends, but some of them will never have the courage to tell the girl. Now, I totally get shyness. I do. I'm shy, and I'm most likely never going to just walk up to a guy I see at a bar and start a conversation or something...unless I'm in Europe. I'm a totally different person in Europe and when I travel.

There are girls that just don't get it too.  And you'll see what I'm talking about later in this post.

There's this guy, and he tells all these mutual friends how much he likes me and he thinks I'm funny, but then when it comes to hanging out, we never talk. And don't get me wrong, in this scenario I know it's basically a guaranteed thing, so I try to talk to him, but it doesn't really work.

I don't know if I like him or not, which is why I'd like it if we could have a real conversation. But, I am at a loss of what to do next!

I understand his shyness is probably amplified around our friends. We have two friends in common, and when he's invited to hang out they usually talk to him about stuff the three of them all know about, which doesn't include the rest of us. Then, the two friends will talk to the rest of us about stuff that doesn't include him. I don't think they realize they're doing it, and they make an effort to give everyone equal time. But, it's difficult bringing a new person into a group of friends that has so many inside jokes and things they reference.

Anyway, one night I was out with the two friends, their friend, let's call him Kyle, and my friend....Sarah (not her real name, of course!). I was a little nervous this night, I sometimes get really anxious in crowded bars (maybe I'll share all that in another post). It was karaoke night. Everything was going as usual, but I decided I wanted to talk to Kyle a little more tonight to see if I could see myself liking him "like that" and to decide if I wanted to try to pursue a better friendship or something more out of it.

Well, I had briefed Sarah on the entire situation, she's friends with the two guys but hasn't ever met Kyle. Sarah has a boyfriend, and she always has a boyfriend. If she breaks up with a guy she probably is only single for about a month. The current boyfriend I think is a keeper, and they've been together for a super long time now. I'm happy for them, but I don't think she is really in touch with the single life of a 26-year-old young lady like myself.

Finally, I was talking to Kyle. It wasn't a huge deal, it was just about music, and how we hate it when people who actually sing well hog the karaoke spotlight. I am a horrendous singer, and I go up there and belt out some awesome songs, and if there's a cordless mic I'll even dance around the bar. It's a pretty awesome show...assuming I'm not feeling anxious and will actually get up there.

Anyway, We were having a good time, I thought, and Sarah smiled at me when we began talking. It was one of those, "Good job!" smiles, and then about five minutes later she walks up to me and says, "I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Oh...OK," I replied.
"So come with me!"
"Do you really need me to?"

And she smiled and nodded her head.

Let me put this out there: This always happens. She is always like this, and you always have to go with her. Sometimes you think she probably has some juicy gossip for you, but then you get to the bathroom and 90% of the time she legit has to pee and has nothing interesting to add to that.

But, here I am, being naive and thinking that maybe one of the two guys told her that Kyle likes me or something...you know, anything productive to the situation.

Nope. Just had to pee.

We left the bathroom, I was frustrated, and Kyle was in the middle of singing karaoke. When he was finished he came back and got into a deep sports conversation with one of the other guys. I like sports, but, unfortunately they were discussing the only sport I find completely boring: Football. American football, that is, for anyone reading this outside the USA. I do very much enjoy soccer.

So, Sarah and I left.

I wish this guy would just get to it and at least ask for my number or something. But, I guess that's not in the cards yet. Lately I've been trying really hard to believe in fate and destiny and all that jazz, so maybe it's just not our time. Maybe it's still my ridiculously long time to be single. Maybe it's my time to go out and play the field and date a few guys at once, and then I can pick one and not be single any more.

Along the lines of fate and destiny, sometimes I think that maybe I'm supposed to be with someone already in my life, but it's just not the time for us to be together. I don't by any means think I should wait around for "our time," I think I should go on living my life as if I don't know my fate with him already (because obviously I don't know that for sure!). Some day maybe we'll be together, maybe we won't. But, other times, which is most of the time, I think fate and destiny is just a big load of shit when it comes to love.

:-)

Sometimes people are frustrating...



It's true!

So, let me put this out there, Jordan and I are just friends.  Sure, I had a little slip up once and told him I had feelings for him.  I didn't think I actually meant it upon further consideration.  I still will never date him again. 

We're friends with benefits.  So what?  Why is that such a big deal?  Let's pretend I knew I had feelings for him, would I tell him?  Absolutely not.  I don't even really care that much.  He recently moved away, and we hung out one night before he left.  It was so much fun, we laughed a ton, and it was just an overall great night.  But on the way home, I found myself really sad that he was leaving.  It almost felt like a break up.

I guess I did have feelings for him, and possibly still do.  But what does it all mean?  I've had some time to think about it, and it means that he's an amazing friend, who I don't want to be without.  Of course we can still talk all the time, he's one of my closest friends.  Having feelings for him changes nothing.  I get a tiny bit jealous when he's seeing someone new, but for the most part I don't care if she's a good person.

I just wish people wouldn't give me advice when I don't ask for it.  Sometimes I just want to say that I'm a little down about something, and let's do something fun to take my mind off it.  There seem to be only two friends that actually let me do that, and they're the ones I've known the longest.  I don't need someone telling me he's not right for me, because I'm not looking to date or marry him.  I just don't want our friendship to change, but I'm rolling with the punches and accepting it.

I know this post is quite rambly, but that's just how my thoughts are right now!  I've got so much going on in my life and I have an extremely busy summer ahead of me, which I have a feeling is bound to get extremely stressful, but I think I'll save all that for my next post :-)

Engagements, Babies, and Houses...Oh My!!!

The past few weeks have been pretty exciting!  They've been filled with exciting news left and right.  First, my brother and his wife are going to have a baby!  This will be my first little niece or nephew, and I'm ready to spoil the baby ASAP, I just wish I didn't have to wait 8 more months!  It's weird for me to think of my brother being a father, but I know he's going to be a good one.  Maybe not as good as our dad, because we have the best dad in the whole world, but he'll be a close second!

Also, two of my friends just got engaged!  I'm really happy for both of them, and I'm excited to celebrate their big days when the time rolls around to it.  However, me being me, I'm a little jealous.  It's strange because one friend I'm more jealous of than the other.

The first friend that got engaged I knew it was coming, but the second kind of blind sided me.  It's the second friend I'm a little more jealous of.  I've known that friend for most of my life, and she's my best friend.  We're really similar as far as our sense of humor, we can tell each other anything and everything and expect no judgment.  I can ask her something and get an honest opinion or advice, and I do the same for her.  She's been with her now-fiance for a few years and they've talked about marriage before.  She's always wanted to wait until she's finished with all her school endeavors, and she recently applied to grad school.

I guess my jealousy lies in the part of life that makes me feel like I'm being left behind.  While everyone has been out meeting their boyfriends/girlfriends/fiances/husbands/wives, I've been saving all my money to travel around Europe.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade in those travel experiences for being a wife and stuff, but I guess I wish I had focused more in the past on finding a guy that is as in love with traveling as I am.

I've been criticized in the past by a few friends for spending my money on traveling, and an ex of mine told me it was a total waste of time and money, but I just feel that there has to be a guy out there that wants to take a yearly trip to Europe, and after we've seen all those countries we'll take yearly trips to South America.  Someone that doesn't think it's a waste of time to volunteer in Tanzania and go on a safari in Kenya.  Someone who wants to go to Asia and Australia and just let go and learn about another culture.  That's the part that is so attractive to me about traveling: learning about other cultures, seeing the historical sites of places I've only read about, imagining what it must have been like to see gladiators in the Colosseum in Rome, etc.  I've been to 10 countries and I don't want to stop there!  I want to see 50 countries and all 50 states in my lifetime...and I want to do all that with someone equally passionate about it.

I guess the jealousy is mostly that she's found a guy that wants to be with her the rest of her life.  She likes traveling, too, and he's into it.  He probably knows all her ups and downs as well as I do by now, and he still wants to spend the rest of his life with her and whatever quirky habits she may bring into the situation.  I just wish I could meet someone who makes me happy like he makes her happy.  I'm so glad she's found someone like that, and I hope that my guy is just around the corner.

I've been looking at buying a house or a condo lately, and I'd really love to make such an investment.  Most days I'm really excited about it.  Then there's days like today, when I realize that making such a big investment might mean I can't travel for a while.  It's the thought of finally settling down that freaks me out.  I just don't make enough money to pay a mortgage, utilities, save money for the future, and save money to travel.  I'm hoping things will change so I can have it all, but that's a pretty famous saying, right?  "You can't have it all!"  Well, watch me, because settling down doesn't mean settling on the life you have right now.  Right? 

So, here's an early New Year's toast, or maybe a Thanksgiving toast:

I'm thankful for all the amazing people in my life, my family, friends, and the new addition I'm impatiently waiting to meet.  I'm thankful for everyone who has ever been there for me through my toughest times.  I'm thankful my two friends have found guys that treat them well and want to share the rest of their lives with.  I'm thankful for having the chance to have seen 10 countries and have amazing stories and pictures to bring home with each one.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

So, with that said, here's to moving forward!

I bet 10 minutes after writing this I'll be sulking around trying to figure out how to afford everything and my next vacation.  :)

"No," means....NO!

Alright guys, let's just keep it plain and simple: the word "no," always means exactly that...no.  I know there are girls out there that like to play little mind games and they think they're being flirty when they tell you "no," about something, but those girls shouldn't get any more of your attention because they're weird.  So, play it safe and just walk away when someone says no.  Even if it seems to be a simple situation.  No.

Here's what happened to me the other day...

I was at work and decided to have a cigarette (yeah, this whole scenario is reason number one million to quit smoking.  Reason number one million and one is the run-in with a raccoon the other night while smoking my before bed cigarette).  I walked out the front door and was standing between my store and a popular video game store.  I stand here because it's next to one of those smokers' poles, or butt depots.  I was just minding my own business, having a cigarette, texting some people, when a car pulled up and parked in the front row.  A guy got out and yelled, "Damn girl!  You're gorgeous!"

He's not talking to me, I thought, as I inconspicuously looked to my left and right, realizing I was the only person standing out there.  Shit.  The guy came walking up to me, video games in hand, and this is what happened from there:

"Hey beautiful, what's your name?"  he asked.
"Umm, Emma,"  Shit!  Why did I give him my real name?!
"How old are you?"
"What do you think?"
"20?"
"Nope."
"17?"
"Ew.  No.  25.  How old are you?"
"Legal."
"Legal?  For what?"  This is where I got an attitude.
"I'm 23," he said laughing.
"I don't think you're funny."
"Aw, come on, I was only joking."
"I don't care."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
"Can I get your number?"
"No."
"Awww, come on, I wanna take you out to dinner and make you smile."
"I just don't see that happening.  Sorry."
"Come on," he said, opening his flip phone, "what's your number?"
"Sorry buddy, you're not getting it."
"Just let me have it!"
"ALRIGHT!  How about you go return your games, and I'll think about it and let you know when you come back out."
"Sounds good," he said, winking and walking into the store.

I waited for the game store's door to close, I leisurely walked over to my store, and as soon as I got inside I literally ran to the back room, where I hid until my coworker told me the car I pointed out to her was gone.

You know, I've never pulled such a bitchy move before.  But I've never had to refuse someone my phone number more than once, maybe twice.  That wasn't fun and flirty, that was a straight up no.  I can't believe some of you guys!  Persistence is one thing, annoyance is another.  Have a little dignity, when a girl says no, take it at face value.  If she was just trying to be flirty and weird when she said, "no," you need to move on.  It'll be her loss.  When she realizes her flirting tactic sucked, if she's interested enough she'll find a way to get you back to conversation.

Seriously.

No means no. 

And let's talk for a second about his entire approach.  I wasn't really attracted to him, and even if I was, I would have reacted the same way.  I just don't like such an abrasive approach.  I'm not sure how many girls do.

Happenings at Your Local Grocery Store

I had a high school job at a grocery store.  I had the exciting duty of bagging up all your groceries after the cashier scanned them.  I never understood why I wasn't good enough to push UPCs across some red beams, but I dealt with it.

Typically, the baggers would just move back and forth between registers with long lines.  Sometimes, if a cashier noticed his or her line was getting really long, they'd call over for help.  Well, out of all four baggers working this day, I was called over to another register.  I got there only to find an elderly couple and one lady behind them.  I didn't think anything of it, the elderly couple had a lot of stuff so maybe that was why this guy called me to his register.

I had talked with this guy before.  The store was short on lockers for employees so he gave me the combination to his in case I wanted to put my purse in it.  Now, being 25, I would probably not do that.  however, at age 17 I didn't really care since the contents of my purse was makeup.  I always put any cash and my driver's license in my pocket while I was working.

So, this guy kept scanning things and sending them my way to be bagged.  I picked up a carton of ice cream and it had a piece of paper on top of it, I picked it off and was about to give it to the man or woman in the couple, but it was written with a black sharpie so I couldn't help reading it.

You're hot.  What's your number?

Whoa.  Did this old man send me this note on top of his mint chocolate chip ice cream?  I just stared at it for a while, while the cashier stared at me.  Finally, I looked up and understood the note was from him.  I didn't really like the cheesy way he went about this, so I crumpled up the note and threw it at his head and said, "Oops!  Sorry!"

He never called me over to his register again.  Oh well.

Jordan

Jordan and I met my freshman year of high school when he was a sophomore.  We met through a mutual friend, Sarah, who went to grade school with him.  I had a teeny, tiny crush on him the first day we met.  I’ll admit it.  

We would talk whenever we were in the cafeteria at the same time, we’d hang out after school or at basketball games after I was done performing with the dance team at half time, and finally, when I was a junior and he was a senior, we had a class together.  

He sat in front of me, and this guy Dave (also a senior) sat behind me.  Dave would always think he’d be whispering things to me, when really everyone around him could hear.  He’d say some really dirty things he wanted to do with me after school, and I either just sat there and laughed at him or turned around and said, “Seriously, shut the f**k up!”

One Thursday Dave kept telling me he and a few friends were going camping and he’d love it if I would come too.  It’d be the best first date ever.  I said, “I really don’t think you’re interested in actually dating me.”  He kept telling me that I was too special to just use for sex, and I kept laughing at him.  He said camping would be amazing, they’d bring a ton of alcohol and we could have our own tent and separate sleeping bags, so I didn’t have to worry about anything like that.  Meanwhile, Jordan would constantly hear these conversations and shake his head.  I always said no to whatever Dave offered.  Part of me really did want to at least make out with him, but I knew I’d be just another girl to him, so I never did.   

One night, after a basketball game I was hanging out with Stephanie, Jordan, and this guy Mike.  We had been just talking and walking around the football field.  When we were headed back to our cars, Jordan mentioned something about running and hurdling over this picket fence that was a little higher than his waist (Jordan is about six feet tall).  I said there was no way he would be able to do it without falling because he has two bad knees from playing hockey.  We made a bet.  If he fell, I got $10.  If he made it successfully, I had to flash him and Mike.  We shook on it.  I lost.  I had to flash them.

By this time, I had a huge crush on Jordan.  We were becoming closer friends and I liked being close with him.  He was really cute, tall, played hockey, went hunting, dressed nice, he was a real guy’s guy, if you will.  I said, “Wait, I really have to flash both of you?  Can’t one of you just describe it to the other?”
“You don’t have to like, stand there with your shirt up, just for a few seconds,” said Mike.
“Yeah, but to both of you for a few seconds?”
“Why did you agree to the bet then?” Mike asked.
“Why does anybody agree to a bet?  I was confident I’d win and wouldn’t have to do this,” I nervously replied.
“It’s nice to know you have no faith in my jumping skills.  But, since I’m such a nice guy, I won’t make you flash us,” Jordan said.
“I’m not scared to or anything,” I lied, “I’m just a little shy I guess.”
“Just show us one!” Mike said.  

I conceded and I showed them only one boob, the right one to be exact. 

After Jordan graduated he went to college in town and got an apartment with two of his close friends.  Stephanie and I went over to the apartment to hang out with them sometimes, they always had beer.  One night, I made out with Jordan’s good friend while he made out with Stephanie.  I was a little hurt that he chose her to make out with, but I guess he could have said the same thing, right?

That was the last time I saw Jordan.  We kept in contact talking and texting, but his girlfriend-turned-fiancé somehow prevented us from hanging out.  So all we had were the times he was at the fire station (yep, he was a firefighter, how hot is that?) and able to talk to me.  We’d go a few weeks or a month without talking, and then catch up in one, long phone conversation lasting hours.

Maybe I’d forget about him sometimes during those few weeks, but every time my phone rang and his name popped up my heart started pounding.  Not necessarily because of the feelings I had for him, but I was so excited to have my friend back, even if it was only for a night.

Introduction

Yesterday was my 25th birthday.  At first, I felt pretty intimidated by this.  When I graduated from college in 2008 I saw my life being in a completely different place by now.  i imagined I'd be in a career, a "big girl job," if you will.  Instead, I'm the assistant manager at a retail store.  Don't get me wrong, I do love and enjoy my job (most days), but I expected to be doing bigger things.

I've done a lot so far, I did study abroad programs, completed an internship in Italy, I've been to 9 different countries, and I've traveled a little here in the USA.  I have a lot of goals and big dreams, and I intend on achieving them all, or at least trying everything I can to get there...because if I don't at least try my hardest, what's the point in dreaming at all?

I also expected to maybe have a steady boyfriend by now.  I've never been in a relationship that has lasted a full year, and a lot of times I think I never will.  I've never actually been in love.  Aside from what I see on TV, in movies, or read in books, I have no idea what that's even like.  In college I had a lot of fun, but after that I expected to settle down and find a guy I could seriously see a future with.  I have definitely had my heart broken, which I don't quite understand since I've never been in love.

So what's wrong with me?  I don't know, but I have a feeling it has a lot to do with the guys I choose to date.  I decided to blog about it to help me figure it all out, and I'll start with telling the stories of all my relationships, or other male encounters, starting with my first kiss.  I'll also throw in things from my every day life, along with family, friendships, work stuff, etc.

Feel free to comment and share this blog with your friends; maybe my weird stories will help someone out, or maybe you can give me some advice!