High Maintenance Women

High maintenance women seem to be a category of women I love to hate.  I guess I just don't understand these types of women.  One of my friends (a girl) once accused me of being high maintenance for having Coach handbags.  She also said that her boyfriend is lucky he'll never have to buy her one, implying that my boyfriend at the time felt he needed to purchase expensive things for me to keep me happy.  Excuuuuse me?  This is far from the truth.  All my expensive purses have been purchased by no one other than myself and I was really offended that she'd assume something like that about me.  I don't want a boyfriend to buy me expensive things, I don't want anyone to buy me expensive things.  I like getting these things for myself, its kind of like an accomplishment or a reward to myself for something.  Everyone buys themselves designer birthday and Christmas gifts, right?  Even when they really shouldn't spend the money on it?  That's all beside the point. 

High maintenance women confuse me because I don't understand at what point in their lives they became so demanding.  I've heard countless stories from my guy friends about these women, and am thankful that I've never been inclined to do such outlandish things like them.  One of my ex-boyfriends could probably tell you I'm high maintenance, but I really think a simple phone call or a text at some point in a day or two isn't too much to ask for a committed relationship.  Hell, I don't even want to see a boyfriend every day.  Maybe 2-3 times a week, maximum.  But you could at least get in touch with me so I know you still exist!

What baffles me more than the demanding women are the men that actually put up with it.  I don't understand these people.  When a guy friend bitches endlessly about his girlfriend, I think it's probably time to part ways.  I understand, you have feelings for them, maybe you love them, but if you have to complain about their actions behind their backs and can't bring these problems to their attention, then what's the point?  Isn't communication supposed to be the most important part in successful relationships?

Obviously, I'm not one to go around touting relationship advice, since I've never even been in one for an entire year, but I still like to think I have at least a tiny bit of common sense on the topic. 

Example:  One of my friends has this girlfriend, who has, "gotten better," with her demands.  It's a distance thing, and he used to have to lie to her when he was going out with his friends sometimes because (it seemed) she wanted him to stay home if she was staying home a few hours away.  That doesn't make sense to me.  Just go out, do your thing, and text me when you get home to say goodnight or something.  She also doesn't seem to like us very much, she thinks we're mean.  I'll give that one to her, we tease each other nonstop and sometimes it can get a little draining.  But in the end, it's just teasing and she can't take the heat.  There was one time that she was his date to a wedding and we were completely turned off by something she did...every time he said something she found to be a little unacceptable, she'd literally put her hand over his mouth to stop him from talking.  I have a feeling he's himself around us, and someone else around her.  I can promise you that any boyfriend I've ever had in my life thus far would dump me if I pulled something like that.

I guess I'll just have to accept that some guys prefer being bossed around and like giving in to every demand some of these chicks make, but I hope that I never meet such a pushover guy like that.  Shouldn't everything be 50/50?  Equal amounts of give and take on both sides? 

Engagements, Babies, and Houses...Oh My!!!

The past few weeks have been pretty exciting!  They've been filled with exciting news left and right.  First, my brother and his wife are going to have a baby!  This will be my first little niece or nephew, and I'm ready to spoil the baby ASAP, I just wish I didn't have to wait 8 more months!  It's weird for me to think of my brother being a father, but I know he's going to be a good one.  Maybe not as good as our dad, because we have the best dad in the whole world, but he'll be a close second!

Also, two of my friends just got engaged!  I'm really happy for both of them, and I'm excited to celebrate their big days when the time rolls around to it.  However, me being me, I'm a little jealous.  It's strange because one friend I'm more jealous of than the other.

The first friend that got engaged I knew it was coming, but the second kind of blind sided me.  It's the second friend I'm a little more jealous of.  I've known that friend for most of my life, and she's my best friend.  We're really similar as far as our sense of humor, we can tell each other anything and everything and expect no judgment.  I can ask her something and get an honest opinion or advice, and I do the same for her.  She's been with her now-fiance for a few years and they've talked about marriage before.  She's always wanted to wait until she's finished with all her school endeavors, and she recently applied to grad school.

I guess my jealousy lies in the part of life that makes me feel like I'm being left behind.  While everyone has been out meeting their boyfriends/girlfriends/fiances/husbands/wives, I've been saving all my money to travel around Europe.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade in those travel experiences for being a wife and stuff, but I guess I wish I had focused more in the past on finding a guy that is as in love with traveling as I am.

I've been criticized in the past by a few friends for spending my money on traveling, and an ex of mine told me it was a total waste of time and money, but I just feel that there has to be a guy out there that wants to take a yearly trip to Europe, and after we've seen all those countries we'll take yearly trips to South America.  Someone that doesn't think it's a waste of time to volunteer in Tanzania and go on a safari in Kenya.  Someone who wants to go to Asia and Australia and just let go and learn about another culture.  That's the part that is so attractive to me about traveling: learning about other cultures, seeing the historical sites of places I've only read about, imagining what it must have been like to see gladiators in the Colosseum in Rome, etc.  I've been to 10 countries and I don't want to stop there!  I want to see 50 countries and all 50 states in my lifetime...and I want to do all that with someone equally passionate about it.

I guess the jealousy is mostly that she's found a guy that wants to be with her the rest of her life.  She likes traveling, too, and he's into it.  He probably knows all her ups and downs as well as I do by now, and he still wants to spend the rest of his life with her and whatever quirky habits she may bring into the situation.  I just wish I could meet someone who makes me happy like he makes her happy.  I'm so glad she's found someone like that, and I hope that my guy is just around the corner.

I've been looking at buying a house or a condo lately, and I'd really love to make such an investment.  Most days I'm really excited about it.  Then there's days like today, when I realize that making such a big investment might mean I can't travel for a while.  It's the thought of finally settling down that freaks me out.  I just don't make enough money to pay a mortgage, utilities, save money for the future, and save money to travel.  I'm hoping things will change so I can have it all, but that's a pretty famous saying, right?  "You can't have it all!"  Well, watch me, because settling down doesn't mean settling on the life you have right now.  Right? 

So, here's an early New Year's toast, or maybe a Thanksgiving toast:

I'm thankful for all the amazing people in my life, my family, friends, and the new addition I'm impatiently waiting to meet.  I'm thankful for everyone who has ever been there for me through my toughest times.  I'm thankful my two friends have found guys that treat them well and want to share the rest of their lives with.  I'm thankful for having the chance to have seen 10 countries and have amazing stories and pictures to bring home with each one.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

So, with that said, here's to moving forward!

I bet 10 minutes after writing this I'll be sulking around trying to figure out how to afford everything and my next vacation.  :)

Shoutout to my readers!!!

I'd just like to say, you guys are fantastic!  I just took a look at my blog stats and I was totally shocked to see the list of countries I've had readers from!

Argentina
Australia
Canada
Germany
Hong Kong
Latvia
Netherlands
New Zealand
Romania
United Kingdom
USA
U.S. Virgin Islands

I really do love reading about other people's lives, especially from other cultures, so if you have a blog you'd like to share please e-mail it to me at: emmaville42786@gmail.com

You can also e-mail me any stories, topics you'd like me to write about, or any questions or comments you may have!  I hope to hear from you soon!

xoxo
Emma

Life Update

Since you last heard from me, a long, long time ago, a lot has happened!  Happy Halloween, by the way!  Unfortunately, I had been pretty sick and never got around to getting a costume, so I spent a relaxing night at home with some cocktails and an excellent book!

I was in Europe with my family, went to Oktoberfest in Munich, Rome, Zurich, and a few small German towns.  It was a spectacular time and I hope we do it again next year!  If not, that's fine, we did it once and it was great.

I know you know about Jordan, who is now dating someone new.  I was in Europe for a little less than two weeks, and in that time everything changed.  He's dating a girl who I won't make up a name for at this time, so I'll just call her Girl.  I know Girl, not very well, but I know her.  We all went to the same high school.  He's had a crush on her for a few years now, and he would frequently tell me about it.  Back when I dated Jordan, shortly after we broke up he told her he had feelings for her.  At that time, I was hanging out with her every now and then (through another mutual friend) and she called to ask if it was alright with me if she dated him.  I said it was, even though it really wasn't.  It's not her, it's any girl.  I didn't want him to be with any girl so soon after we broke up (a few weeks).  They didn't date.  I don't know what happened with that.

Anyway, now they're dating each other.  Maybe it was meant to be, maybe they'll have a short relationship, or a long relationship, or get married, or whatever.  Maybe they're perfect for each other.  And part of me is happy for that, really, I am.  As much as I know of her, she's a sweet girl and a good friend.  It just always sucks when, once again, you're not the right person for someone.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think Jordan is the right guy for me...but it doesn't hurt any less when you realize that, at this point in time, you're not the right person for anyone.  Obviously I'm not married, so I've never been the "right person," and I haven't found the "right person," so it is a two-way street.  It's just getting frustrating.

I don't want to talk about work.  I want to talk about the work holiday party and how I can't find an f'ing date.  Really, I'm a pretty girl, I look good in dresses, I'm funny, and I like to dance (there's dancing at this party) and have a good time.  Who wouldn't want to go with me?  Well, guys with girlfriends because those are the only kinds of guys I know.  There's this other guy, who I haven't seen in years, he's single and maybe interested.  But I don't have time for maybes, and it'd be kind of weird to go with someone you haven't seen in so long.  We talk pretty often, but our schedules never seem to line up.  I think I'm going to give up on this whole date thing.

But I don't want to give up on it!  I don't want to just meet a new guy and go with him, I want to go with someone I already know I can have fun with.  I just have this stupid imagination that tends to run wild and I imagine someone like Shawn calling me and I tell him about the party and he tells me he wants to go.  Then I get all dressed up and it'll be the first time I see him in over a year, and he'll tell me I look beautiful, and I'll believe him, we'll go to the party and he'll ask me to dance, and we'll laugh all night.  Then, he'll tell me he still likes me and wants to try it again, then I'll tell him, "No, this was only a one time thing," because he's not the right guy (as stupid as I can be about him, I at least realize he's not good for me).  We'll go home, kiss goodnight, and then I'll probably never see him again and it would at least be a much better ending than the last time we saw each other.  None of that is ever going to happen, though.

What else has been new?  Oh, I'm the extra wheel.  All the time.  And I'm getting so sick of it that I'm on the verge of being one of those girls that goes out to dinner alone or something.  My parents invited me to the Dominican Republic with them and my brother and sister-in-law.  Yeah, how about that.  Let's all get drunk and you can have your romantic vacations and I'll go back to my room and hate myself for not having met some awesome guy to share the experience with.  Plus, if I get really drunk and pass out on the beach, I really don't need my parents with me.  I've already done that and I don't think they really want to see it.  They're all going to Chicago, too.  And since I declined the Dominican Republic trip, they thought I wasn't interested, so they booked two rooms.  I went on this rant about how Chicago would be much more interesting, I can visit some family, etc, and they said, "Well, you could still come!"  Thanks for trying, but now that was just an afterthought.  I know you're all probably reading this and wondering what's wrong with me, but at this point it feels like I'd just spoil Chicago for everyone.  Anyway, no more trips for me at the moment!

November 1 is the beginning of National Novel Writing Month, so I'm going to get crackin' on that novel!  Some of you may know that it's a huge dream of mine to write and publish a novel.  I've written numerous drafts, and none of them have pleased me.  Now, I'm using National Novel Writing Month (a.k.a. NaNoWriMo) as a way to kick myself in the ass and get this novel written!  I've taken all my old drafts, made a more productive/interesting outline, and now I'm going to start back at the beginning!  I'm really excited for this project, and I really, really need it to work out.  I need to send it off to publishers and find out if I have what it takes.  If I don't, then at least I tried.  If I don't try, I'll always regret it and wonder about it for the rest of my life!

I hope this post wasn't too depressing since I'm pretty down in the dumps about love at this moment in life!  It'll get better!  I've written down tons of topics I want to blog about, I just haven't had a good opportunity to sit down and write the posts until now.  I'm really excited to finish out 2011 with a bang on this blog, and then it's on to 2012 and bigger and better things!

I'm considering making big changes to the blog, so there may be a new web address in the future, I'll be sure to keep everyone updated!  :-)

xoxo
Emma

Mistakes were made...

Before I continue this post I'd like to apologize for my hiatus again...work has been crazy and I haven't had a chance to put all my thoughts down in a blog yet!

Oh God, I'm that girl.  I've never been that girl before.  You know, the one who fools around with a guy that has a girlfriend (at least not knowing he had a girlfriend).  To top it all off, I actually broke friends-with-benefits rule #1, the most important rule: DO NOT START TO GET FEELINGS.  The only appropriate word for my entire night last night is: Fuck.

You may remember Jordan, my close friend who is also my friend with benefits.   Jordan and I haven't talked much, and haven't seen each other, in about two months.  He didn't believe me when I said this tonight, and I asked, "When did you get that tattoo?" he replied, "About two months ago."  Case and point.  Well, finally Jordan decided to meet me and my friend Snugglemuffin (this is a guy, and in various joke sexts sent between me, Jordan and Snugglemuffin, it somehow came about that we started calling him that) out for drinks tonight.  By time Jordan arrived, I was already pretty drunk.  Probably too drunk, yet I got another apple martini (they always do me in from the start) and just had some fun.

So, Jordan, Snugglemuffin and I are just sitting outside having a few laughs, when all of a sudden Matt was walking down the street.  Snugglemuffin and I went to grade school with Matt, and I really haven't seen him in about five years, so it was a really great find.  Matt stopped inside to grab a beer and sat to talk with us.  We reminisced, I sent Jordan a drunken text announcing this is who I lost my virginity to and "I would definitely have sex with him tonight if he didn't have a girlfriend."

Jordan replied, "That's on him, you're not cheating."
I said, "Yeah, I don't buy into that but he's a good boy and wouldn't cheat."
Jordan said, "I'll cheat."

MIND BLOWING!  So that's why you've been ignoring me?  In true Jordan fashion, when he gets a girlfriend we're not even friends...without benefits.  Or we are, but not like when he's single.  As the events of the night progressed, I find out that I know this girl (she went to high school with us and he dated her back then, too), she lives in another state, and they have been dating less than a week.

Snugglemuffin and Matt went inside because they were taking down the patio tables and chairs.  Jordan and I sat on the steps outside the bar and had another cigarette.  I told him I was feeling sick, he told me I wasn't driving and he'd make sure I got home, and then I buried my face in my hands.  He put his arm around me and his face close to my ear and said, "Hey, what's wrong?"  He got the silent treatment and said, "Emma, come on, tell me what's wrong, you tell me everything!"

"What do you mean what's wrong?" I slurred, "I just said I'm feeling sick so that's what's wrong."
"It seems like there's more to it than that."
"Nope."
"OK, when you give one word answers I know there's more to the story."
"Fine, FINE!  I'll tell you..." I took a deep breath and let it all out, "I can't believe you'd do this.  This is the second time you've had a girlfriend and asked me for sex, and that's not OK.  I mean, let's forget all about the morals here and just look at the situation on your end: you date girls you obviously don't care much about.  I don't know why you do it.  Did you cheat on me?"  Silence.  "No, really, did you cheat on me?  Because we were together for three weeks at one point and how am I supposed to know you weren't having this conversation with another girl?  How am I supposed to know I was any different?  I thought I was but, really, tell me, did you cheat on me?"
"No, I never cheated on you."
"I don't believe you."
"Well, of course you don't f***ing believe me.  Why would you?"
"You're right, I have no reason to believe you."
"Look, I haven't actually cheated on a girl since high school and I regretted that."
"Fine.  Anyway, you almost ignore me for two months, announce you have a girlfriend, and then ask for sex.  What am I supposed to do about that?"
"Like I said before, it's not on you, it's on me."
"Yeah, but if I'm truly a good friend, I wouldn't let you cheat.  I wouldn't encourage you to do it, and I wouldn't let you do it with me.  I also don't want to wake up tomorrow and find out that you regret this and resent me for allowing it."
"I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself.  I really wouldn't regret it."
"Damn it!  Did you just look down my shirt?!"
"I'M SORRY!"

Then we laughed.  We went inside, paid my bill (he wasn't drinking) and he took me home.  I invited him to the patio for a cigarette.  I asked him, again, why he would date someone he's willing to cheat on.  Why would he even bother when he could be single and guilt-free?  Why does he date all his friends, or develop feelings for them?  He doesn't know the answers to any of these questions.

Finally, he was going to leave, I hugged him and in my complete, drunken stupor said, "Don't go."
"You're really sending me mixed signals here."
"I'm not.  I've told you I want to have sex with you.  I just want to have single sex.  You know that."
"I know, but I'm not going to call her right now and break up with her."
"So you'll call her tomorrow and do it?  Then tomorrow night we'll be all clear?" I asked, extremely hopeful.  When I found out he had this girlfriend, I got jealous.  That's when I knew the feelings were there.
"I don't know what I'm going to do, but right now I have a boner and I can only think about doing dirty things to you."
"You have a boner?" I said and pushed myself against him harder (yeah, thanks for encouraging it, drunk Emma), "Yeah, you do."
He laughed.
"Just don't leave yet, sit down and smoke another cigarette."

He sat down, I sat on his lap, put my head on his shoulder, and while he was smoking said, "Alright, if you don't want to have sex you're going to need to stop breathing on my neck because it's really turning me on."  I'll admit, I was doing that on purpose.  Drunk Emma is a horrible person! 

To cut out a lot of the middle talk here, which is all me repeating the same questions about why he'd cheat, as if the answers were going to be different, we started fooling around.  For some reason, I thought if we didn't kiss it would be less intimate and not as big of a deal.  Then he grabbed my face and planted one on me, and then it happened.  Not only was I really jealous, I had butterflies.  Those stupid, annoying, ridiculous jitters in your stomach that basically say, "HEY!  THIS IS GREAT!  KEEP GOING!" and make you think there's chemistry.

Jordan and I have a lot of strange conversations, they all stem from stupid things I usually say.  I mean, how many people create a game like Hungry, Hungry Hippos and call it Hungry, Hungry Money?  Only Drunk Emma.  It's a really great game, I'll have to explain it some time.  Also, I have a habit of telling him I have a boner instead of saying something normal.  Every time I say, "I really have a boner," he says, "I'm not sure I want to do this anymore," then pretends he's feeling around for my "erection," makes a relieved face, and continues kissing me while we laugh about it.  We have a lot of other things, but they may just be too weird.  In any event, we start laughing and end up having a really great time.

We're in the chair, he stands up while still holding me, I wrap my legs around him, and he walks to his car while still making out.  Since I'm still doing my signature Drunk Emma Laugh, it's obvious I'm in no condition to drive.  I have made it clear I don't have condoms, he didn't have any with him, we'll need to go buy some or go to his place.  Once in the car we start making out more, he says, "I just want these clothes to be off of you," I say, "I know, I know," and we keep going.  I've got a whole new set of butterflies.  The other ones telling me it's a great idea are still there, but these new ones are telling me how much of a bitch I am.

Screw the condoms, we're not having sex.  I made that clear.  "Look, I'm totally fine not having sex, but how is this OK and that's not?" he asked while his hands were doing things.  "It's not OK, but it's not as bad.  I don't know.  I don't need a reason since you can't tell me why you'd date a girl you're willing to cheat on," I reply while my hands are working on things.  He reclined my seat and things progressed.  He reclined his seat, pulled me over, my butt almost hit the steering wheel and I made yet another outlandish drunken comment: "What if my butt hit the steering wheel and it honked really loud and it seemed like a massive...I don't know...like a giant..."  he interrupted and finished my sentence for me, "fart?"  YES!  I just laughed hysterically, the Drunk Emma Laugh, and we kept kissing while laughing.  Now I'm sans pants, in my own driveway, in someone else's car.  This is a first.

He said we needed to go get condoms, I said no, he said that was fine.  Then it happened.  Yes, that's right it.  As if this situation couldn't get any worse.  I stopped kissing him, moved back to my side of the car, put my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands and just sat there staring at the ground.

"Hey, what's wrong?  Really, I don't want you to feel like you have to do any of this, I don't want you to feel bad about it," he said
"I don't."
"I don't believe you."
"Fine, I feel bad about this, but I feel even worse about something else, and the fact that I feel worse about something else makes me feel even worse for not feeling bad enough about what we're doing."  If you don't know, I know exactly what I'm talking about and can explain this later.
"Is that drunk talk?"
"Yes.  No.  I don't know.  But mostly yes.  True drunk talk."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that sometimes I have feelings for you as more than a friend and sometimes I don't.  And no, I don't have feelings when we're having sex and no feelings when we're not.  Sometimes I've been pretty emotionally detached when we're doing it."
"Is this one of the sometimes you do, or sometimes you don't?"
"I don't want to tell you."
"You can tell me, but you don't have to."

...and here comes strikes two and three:

"IT'S A SOMETIMES I DO.  I HAVE FEELINGS AS MORE THAN A FRIEND RIGHT NOW AND I'M GOING TO CRY!"

Seriously, Emma?  Did you have to go out, get wasted, have fun, help your friend cheat, expose your feelings for him, and cry?  You couldn't just go out and have fun?  I don't cry in front of guys.  I try not to even cry because of them, and here I am like a little baby sniffling and whimpering while he pulls me into him and gives me a big hug.

Seriously, Jordan?  This is where you're supposed to say, "I didn't know you felt that way!  I have feelings for you too, all the time.  I just started dating this girl because I was giving up on you, but now that I know I can dump her!"  I mean, really, your silence speaks volumes.  Therefore, Drunk Emma cries even more.

"Emma, it's really OK," he said.
"No, it's not.  None of this is OK and your penis is still out."
He laughed, "Well I can put it away and then continue hugging you."
"No, don't put it away.  You don't feel the same and that's OK."

Silence.

"Just a Kiss" by Lady Antebellum came on the radio.  So we kissed and we fooled around some more.  We laughed a lot.  We stopped, he went home, I told him to text me when he got home since it was 4AM and I wanted to make sure he didn't fall asleep at the wheel.  I went in the house, consulted Facebook, and there it was.  Yesterday he listed his status as in a relationship with that girl.  And here I am.  Crushed.

It was fine when he was single, I didn't care.  But now that this other girl is in the picture I've gotten pretty jealous and realized these feelings are there.  I might see him tomorrow night.  I am just not sure what to do.  Part of me wants to just explode and ask him why I'm not good enough and how many people have to tell me we should just be dating each other.  The other part of me wants to just forget about it and move on, but I'm not sure how to move on from something that has, all along, seemed like such a sure thing.  Also, I can't believe I actually helped him cheat.  I also don't believe him when he says he doesn't feel bad.  Being a compulsive over-thinker, I wonder if he doesn't feel bad because he has feelings for me.  Being a smart girl, I know he doesn't, and he doesn't feel bad because that's just how he is.



PS - I'm usually not like that when I'm drunk.

"No," means....NO!

Alright guys, let's just keep it plain and simple: the word "no," always means exactly that...no.  I know there are girls out there that like to play little mind games and they think they're being flirty when they tell you "no," about something, but those girls shouldn't get any more of your attention because they're weird.  So, play it safe and just walk away when someone says no.  Even if it seems to be a simple situation.  No.

Here's what happened to me the other day...

I was at work and decided to have a cigarette (yeah, this whole scenario is reason number one million to quit smoking.  Reason number one million and one is the run-in with a raccoon the other night while smoking my before bed cigarette).  I walked out the front door and was standing between my store and a popular video game store.  I stand here because it's next to one of those smokers' poles, or butt depots.  I was just minding my own business, having a cigarette, texting some people, when a car pulled up and parked in the front row.  A guy got out and yelled, "Damn girl!  You're gorgeous!"

He's not talking to me, I thought, as I inconspicuously looked to my left and right, realizing I was the only person standing out there.  Shit.  The guy came walking up to me, video games in hand, and this is what happened from there:

"Hey beautiful, what's your name?"  he asked.
"Umm, Emma,"  Shit!  Why did I give him my real name?!
"How old are you?"
"What do you think?"
"20?"
"Nope."
"17?"
"Ew.  No.  25.  How old are you?"
"Legal."
"Legal?  For what?"  This is where I got an attitude.
"I'm 23," he said laughing.
"I don't think you're funny."
"Aw, come on, I was only joking."
"I don't care."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
"Can I get your number?"
"No."
"Awww, come on, I wanna take you out to dinner and make you smile."
"I just don't see that happening.  Sorry."
"Come on," he said, opening his flip phone, "what's your number?"
"Sorry buddy, you're not getting it."
"Just let me have it!"
"ALRIGHT!  How about you go return your games, and I'll think about it and let you know when you come back out."
"Sounds good," he said, winking and walking into the store.

I waited for the game store's door to close, I leisurely walked over to my store, and as soon as I got inside I literally ran to the back room, where I hid until my coworker told me the car I pointed out to her was gone.

You know, I've never pulled such a bitchy move before.  But I've never had to refuse someone my phone number more than once, maybe twice.  That wasn't fun and flirty, that was a straight up no.  I can't believe some of you guys!  Persistence is one thing, annoyance is another.  Have a little dignity, when a girl says no, take it at face value.  If she was just trying to be flirty and weird when she said, "no," you need to move on.  It'll be her loss.  When she realizes her flirting tactic sucked, if she's interested enough she'll find a way to get you back to conversation.

Seriously.

No means no. 

And let's talk for a second about his entire approach.  I wasn't really attracted to him, and even if I was, I would have reacted the same way.  I just don't like such an abrasive approach.  I'm not sure how many girls do.

Problems with boobs

You'd think this would go without saying, but I can't believe how many women I see walking around without properly fitting bras.  But, how do you know if the bra fits right?

The biggest bad bra mistake is the four boob.  That's right.  The four boob.  You might think this looks sexy, because your bra is about 3 sizes too small so your boobs are spilling out of them into the middle creating...cleavage!  Yes!  We all want cleavage!  But do you really want it at the expense of the rest of the area looking good?  Buy a push up bra.  In your size.  I know you know you have four boob syndrome, because there's no way you can't feel it.  And if you check yourself out in mirrors/windows/puddles/anything that reflects, I know you see it too.  This is not sexy.  I repeat: NOT SEXY.

Uh oh...four boob syndrome is sweeping the nation!  However, this isn't the worst case I've seen!

You're probably sitting there thinking, "Emma!  You don't understand!  I have big boobs!"  Hey!  Me too!  I've pretty much dumped Victoria's Secret, because even their DD's don't really do it for me.  I've done the tests.  I found this cute bra/panties set I wanted.  I tried on the bra in the fitting room.  I jumped around, bent over, shimmied, and my boobs stayed in place!  I wore the bra to work the next day and suddenly I had four boob, from just standing and walking around.  I went home and changed my bra on my lunch break.  Until then, I spent a lot of time in the bathroom readjusting myself. 

I also have a big problem with big bras.  I don't think it's at all fair that the big boob bras are all disgusting and granny like.  Thankfully, I've found an amazing boutique that caters to the well-endowed (they have the smaller sizes, too).  I know not everyone has access to this type of store, but go online!  Buy some great bras!  I'm here to tell you that even the big boob girls can get cute and sexy bras...that fit!

Please don't wear a bright red bra under your white t-shirt.  Why not leave a little something to the imagination?

Have you ever had a bra that fit really well, but you still have that tiny bit of boob spill on the outer edges of the cups, near your armpits?  Yeah, me too.  I think boob spill is just a fact of life.  However, try as hard as possible not to wear a tank top or shirt that showcases your boob spill.

Ladies, I'm being totally serious: Once you find a bra that really, truly fits, you'll thank yourself for it.  I now have a few every day bras and quite a few fancy bras and they fit great.  The best part is I really don't even feel them throughout the day!

So, what size bra do I wear now that they fit me properly?  Well, depending on the bra, 36DD or 36E.

Let's all give our girls a break and treat them right, k?

Dream Man Checklist (I made a few changes)

I've never really thought about creating an actual checklist of qualities my dream man would have until a few years ago when I saw a few episodes of the show Tough Love on VH1.  On this show, a professional matchmaker helps women find men while teaching them valuable love lessons on the way.  Sometimes it comes down to a girl just not caring enough about herself, or being too insecure, not knowing how to talk to guys, etc.  There was one lady on the show that had a checklist of her dream man, and the matchmaker, Steve, told her to ditch that list.  I understand why he made her get rid of it, it's not fair to you or your potential mate to have a list of qualifications they must meet.  What if your list has 10 things on it, and he/she only has seven or eight of those qualities?  You could still be missing out on something really great!

On the other hand, I can see the good side of such a list.  Throughout all of my relationships I constantly find myself relieved when I realize this guy doesn't do that annoying thing so-and-so did, but usually the new guy ends up doing something bogus (I know some day I'll meet a guy that doesn't do bogus things, but so far that's mostly what I've encountered...come on, good guys!  I'm waiting!).  I think it's only natural to create these mental checklists based on past experiences, after all, you should be trying to improve, right?

Maybe you're thinking it isn't fair for a woman (or anyone) to have a list in mind, maybe now you'll go on a date wondering if the other person is mentally checking items off the list or not, but we all have some form of a list.  For example, you don't approach someone with hopes of getting their phone number unless they meet your physical checklist, or at least part of it.  Would you walk up to someone you find totally unattractive and try to date them?  Maybe that sounds harsh, but physical attraction is usually a reason people start talking (correct me if I'm wrong).

On another note, when I was on OkCupid for a short period of time, I was asked to fill out part of my profile that was titled, "What I'm looking for."  This just invites all those lists!  I must admit, this was a hard one to fill out.  How do I single out a group of guys?  Even more mind boggling, does any guy even meet all the qualities of my checklist?  He could, but still be a jerk.  I guess I'll have to add, "not a jerk" to the list, just in case.  Anyway, with much consideration, I've decided to compile a list of things I look for in a guy.  These aren't mandatory, but I think it'd be pretty sweet if I could find someone like this!

Physical
1. Taller than me...I love to wear heels!  Plus, I'm only 5'4 so this isn't very hard to do.
2. Nice arms
3. Not skrawny.  Total turnoff (for me).
4. No long hair
5. Nice teeth (Trivial?  Perhaps, but I can't help what I like!)
6. Showers regularly (Yes, I've had some stinkers hit on me).

Personality
1. Sweet - You can say sweet things, they don't need to be cheesy.  Everyone likes to hear they're beautiful!
2. Funny - With a similar sense of humor as me.  I'm pretty sarcastic and sometimes people don't get it.  If you can make me laugh until I cry that would be outstanding.
3. Romantic - Yes, I'd like to randomly receive flowers or something, even just once.   
4. Mature, with the ability to be totally goofy sometimes.  By mature I mean you're out of your frat-boy partying phase.
5. Responsible - This goes along with maturity.
6. Not a jerk.
7. Confident, not conceited, cocky or arrogant.  There's a big difference!
8. Outgoing
9. Flirty
10. Respectful
11. Intelligent.  I constantly try to learn new things and I Google pretty much everything.  I often blurt out completely useless information.  Did you know in Disney World, if someone vomits on a ride they call it a protein spill?
12. Doesn't need to spend every day with me.  I'm not ready for that.
13. Isn't intimidated by my fear of commitment.
14. Likes me for who I am!
15. Loves to travel...because I pretty much want to go everywhere in the world!

I think it's pretty simple.  I could have gotten super cheesy and added something about holding hands in public and making me tingle every time we kiss and blah blah blah.  But why?  If there's a real "spark" there, that stuff will just happen.  At least I hope it would.

Dr. Temperance Brennan & Special Agent Seeley Booth, Bones

Or, how about everyone just watches the TV show Bones, because Agent Booth is pretty hot, and he has a great personality.  I have no idea if David Boreanaz is actually a good guy or not, and personality definitely factors in with hotness.  Anyway, if I could find a guy like that, I'd be all set.  But I'm going to get back to reality! : )

Maybe my list seems short, but it's all I can come up with without narrowing my options down to some guy you only read about in a fairytale or see in a movie.  I think the personality qualities I look for are all ones I have, so I don't think it's too much to ask for in a potential mate.  I know people out there have lists, but I'm curious what they include on theirs!  Feel free to share!

Stressed

Well, isn't that helpful?

Today I'd like to just sit around and feel sorry for myself.  I don't really have many days like this but at this point I am stressed to my limit.

I'm tired of having a job outside my field, I'm tired of not getting interviews for jobs in my field, I'm tired of half ass friends and people who say stupid things.  I'm physically tired, I'm tired of not getting enough sleep because I wake up a million times every night and I'm tired of trying to figure out the next step in my life.  I'm tired of even thinking about what to do with my life and how to get a job I love but I can't stop thinking about it.  It seems to consume 90% of my day.  I'm tired of lazy people.  I'm frustrated at not having time to work out like I want to, because that's what really de-stresses me.

I miss my best friend, we haven't talked in over a year and I guess that's just what happens sometimes.  We've been best friends for 15 years, and now we don't talk because of some really stupid stuff.  And yes, I've tried.  I think this bridge is just burned and we aren't going to rebuild it.  I've spent a year without her, but sometimes I just need her goofy jokes to get me through the day.

Everyone keeps asking when I'll move to Italy, and I don't know.  I don't want to move there forever, but maybe I need a year or two in a different place to collect my thoughts and come home with new experiences again.  But no matter what I do, in the next year or two I want to advance my career and have a big girl job.  None of that is looking good so far.

So here I am, sitting outside drinking my post-workout protein shake and smoking a cigarette (yes, I'm the picture of health) and complaining about things via blog.  How pathetic is that?  The best part of my week is the two 30 minute sessions I spend with the personal trainer.  He's hot and I don't think about the rest of my life because he pushes me to my limits.  When I run on my own I think of all this stupid crap and never come up with any solutions.

Right, so this post is just annoying and stupid, but it's all I have right now.  I promise later in the week my next post will be back to normal!

The Elusive Younger Woman

Ah, the younger woman.  Something a lot of men dream about and a lot of women fear.  I’ve never been actually dumped for a younger woman, but not too long after Shawn and I ended our relationship, he was dating a younger woman.

(Insert sound byte of a needle scratching across a record)

Wait, what?

I’m 25, how much younger does it get?

19.

You can’t even take that girl out to a bar!  You can’t order a bottle of wine with dinner!  You’re stuck with house parties and hoping her fake ID doesn’t get taken away! 

I understand in Shawn’s case this could be appealing because they’re on the same maturity level.  This is a guy that, when drunk and eating at a 24-hour diner with his friends, said, “Hey, Emma!  Look!  I’m like a boat!” and made bubbles in his water that splashed all over me.  Yes, readers, I did resist the urge to slap the bottom of the glass so it dumped all over his face.  I’m not that harsh. 

*Note* At the same post-bar meal, one of the girls at the table asked me, “I wax snatches for a living, does that bother you?” to which I replied, “No, what bothers me is that you’re talking.”  She had it coming.  I didn’t ask what she did for a living, and she was extremely annoying all night.  I won’t get into the details of this particular night (maybe in another post), but a fun night turned pretty sour with some of these people.  This particular girl was so drunk and sloppy, and earlier that night I quoted one of the best movies ever, Stepbrothers, and said to her, "I remember when I had my first beer."  I'm pretty sure she hated me.  But these are the types of people he hung out with.

I understand that older men like younger girls because of the whole sex-drive-in-high-speed thing.  But other than sex, I’m not sure how a relationship with someone considerably younger is beneficial mentally.  I’m not saying the age leap from 25 to 19 is huge, but we are definitely at different points in our lives.  I’m finished with college, considering grad school, and working full time.  This girl is still in college and probably has a whole different set of priorities.  I know my goals and what I considered important has changed a lot since I was 19, so I just don’t understand the appeal.

There are those situations where age doesn’t matter, but I’m not sure why some men go out specifically looking for a younger girl.  I prefer an older guy, but only by a few years.  I have this preference based on guys my age acting like idiots.  Although, Jake was a few years older and his actions and line of thought didn’t make sense to me either.

I think this is a situation with many possible answers, but I’m just not sure what they all are!